Wonderland
by HerNamewasAlice
Summary: He's not supposed to be with her. She's sadistic and violent but she's also the closest person in his life. Jade x Roy. Rated T.
1. Banters and Purrs

**Summary: "I'm a kitty cat, want me to take you to Wonderland?" Jade x Roy. Rated T for now but later will be Rated M**

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**Chapter 1: Banters and Purrs  
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Darkness. Pure darkness. So dark there were no stars or clouds. His eyes locked on his target as he slowly takes out an arrow from his bag. Black wild hair. Tan skin. Wicked brown eyes. Cheshire. He draws the arrow back and releases it without an effort. The arrow moves quickly and takes the bag from her hands.

She looks back, finding the bag on the wall, being hung by the arrow. She smirks and turns at him, waiting for him to come out of the shadows. "Nice shot," she said in a mocking tone, clapping. She was taunting him again. She always taunted him.

He glared at her.

"Mm I guess you don't want to play?" she places a finger on her lips and starts to bite them.

"Where is your mask?" he ignored her question. Like a cat, she liked to play with her prey. He wasn't her prey, he was her match. Competition. Level. If he was her prey then he would have lost but he won't let himself lose to her. He went closer to her, holding his bow high as a threat.

"I lost it," she said.

Red Arrow took a couple steps and places his hand on her neck. He doesn't choke her but he seeps his nails into her skin the way she did when she attacks him. "You always lose your mask."

"And you're always so serious and unemotional." She was purring now. She's odd. She's strange. She's unpredictable.

A smirk breaks upon his face. His fingers loosen his grip on her. Slipping. He was slipping again. "Tell me..." - she toyed with him and he couldn't help but to toy with her as well - "why do you need a diamond when you say you're in the 'big league'?"

She chuckled. "There's nothing wrong with getting a little pocket money. In our positions, we don't know what's going to happen next and it's good to have something to fall back on, don't you think?" Cheshire gently scraped his fingers from her neck and strokes them. He tries to pull away but she was licking his fingers now with that deadly expression of hers; a smirk, a smiling smirk. He couldn't help but to be transfixed by her crude, bold behavior. She always had this wicked expression - she was always so calm - so...so... "Meow," she said, batting her eyelashes at him. "Of course, you like to see me fall on my_ back_, don't you, Red?"

He pushes her away and gets into a fighting stance. "No more games, Cheshire."

She frowns but shrugs. "Okay, if you feel that way, but I have to say, I thought you were the kind of person to be into foreplay." His eyes narrowed out of frustration from her endless banter. He charges at her, throwing every thing he has but she dodges each blow and strike. "Are you trying to hurt me?" she chuckled, flipping backwards to avoid his kick. "Or are you trying to get me limber for sex?"

"Are you like this to all your male enemies?"

She lets him pin her down to the ground. He knows it. She didn't let him, she rather laid herself down. "Explain more to me about your question," she said, drawing out her dual swords and points them to the hollowness of his throat. Her bare eyes lock on the white slits of his mask.

"Are you this...

"Irresistible? Charming? Seductive?"

"Ridiculously flirtatious with the others," he bit out each word in an authoritative manner.

She laughed coldly, bringing up the swords to his chin. The motion slices his skin and blood slowly spills out. "Why do you want to know, Red?" She stares at his cheeks and smiles crookedly. His cheeks are slightly pink and his hands that were pinning her were getting sweaty. "Are you insecure?" she teasingly pouted. "Are you worried that you're not special enough for me?"

"Stop it-

She pushes him off of her and runs to the bag. Her skin tightens to the sound of the alarms going off. He had set them off but she doesn't let it stop her from getting what she was after the whole time. She yanks down the arrow as well and tucks it into her bag. She knows that this would ruin her chances in escaping but she does so out of personal reason, sentimental reasons. He slams her to the wall but it doesn't frighten her. Cheshire carelessly toss the bag away from her. "I see you're the kind of person that likes to be in control of the relationship," she said in a singsong tone.

He ignores her comment and starts to drill in some sense into her. "You're going to jail and yet you're still-

"Hot? Sexy?"

He went silent.

She shook her head and laughed. "I'm not afraid. I stopped being afraid a long time ago," there was sadness in her voice. "I always escape like how I always lose my mask. You might want to take a couple steps back from me," she suggested. "I don't want the police coming and assuming things that can _cost_ your reputation, _Red Arrow._ Don't worry, I won't run away. I'll do that later, after I get my mugshots."

He doesn't move away. He keeps himself pressed against her. "Everything is always a joke to you, isn't it?"

"When your life is like mine, sometimes you have to just to get by."

Red Arrow didn't say anything. He hates himself for feeling sorry for her but he was. He moved away from her and pulls something from his bag. "I hear them. They're almost here but you at least should have your mask. Some pride at least."

She takes her mask without saying anything and fastens it. She knows he won't let her escape.

"You always lose your mask."

"Maybe I do it on purpose so you would know where to find me next."

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_**To be Continued...**_

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**A/N: what do you guys think?  
**

**please review**


	2. Kiss with a Fist

**A/N: THANK YOU GUYS FOR READING :D**

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**Chapter 2: Kiss with a Fist**

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_"I hit you back_  
_ You gave a kick_  
_ I gave a slap_  
_ You smashed a plate_  
_ Over my head_  
_ Then I set fire to our bed"_

_- Kiss with a Fist by Florence and the Machine_

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Sirens are heard. They were like drums that were used in battle to accompany battle cries. They were getting louder and louder. Closer and closer. He's staring at her but she doesn't look at him. Her eyes were locked on to the ground, her mask hiding any emotion she was feeling. He wondered...what she was feeling and thinking. Was she smug? Was she thinking of a way to escape? Was she baiting him? Was she making him think that he had won? Their fight tonight was barely a fight. It was like...she went easy on him. No it couldn't be. It had to be something else. Was she thinking of a way to get back the diamond? Or was she terrified for her life? He doesn't say anything but remained silent, with his arms crossed. They were waiting. Waiting for the police to take her away.

"You're scared, aren't you?" he asked.

She scoffed and leveled her head up to him. "Scared, scared of what?"

"Everything."

"I'm not scared of anything," her voice was hard.

"Everyone is scared of something," he said calmly. He hated how he had a soft side for her - a killer, a homicidal killer.

"What are you scared of?"

Falling for her. He was scared of that beyond anything. She's untrustworthy. She would manipulate his emotions, make him believed that she cared for him, love him to get what she wanted. Cruel. She would break his heart and torture him. Sadistic. She wouldn't care if she did all those things to him. "Losing," there was emptiness in his voice. She was quiet. "I don't like losing to anyone."

"I'm scared that they're going to take my mom away again."

He turned and looked at her. It sounded...almost sincere. Her mother, he had read about her in Artemis's file. "What do you mean again?" He read the file, saying that Paula Crock was disabled from one of the crimes she committed as Huntress and went to prison for it. He knew that Paula Crock was sent to prison for six years but there was something in Cheshire's tone, something very saddening.

She shrugged. "Forget about it, Red."

"You always run away, don't you? Run away from your feelings, your problems."

"Easiest thing to do, don't you think?" she chuckled. "Didn't you run away too from your problems?"

He stopped to think. His issues with Oliver Queen...they were still there. They didn't fade. They only grew. Latched on his shoulders and tore him down, weighing him so he couldn't move. All that Roy did was do everything he can to be better than him, to be the better hero. But...there would always be this emptiness, this need to feel some satisfaction. "I suppose I did."

The police came and he watched quietly as they handcuffed her. He didn't feel it - the feeling of happiness when seeing criminals sent to prison. No. He didn't. He didn't at all. Remorse. He felt remorse. Sadness. He felt sadness. Loneliness. He felt loneliness. He never felt so confused in his life. "It was nice talking to you, Red," she said in a cool tone as she was taken away. Smiling. He knew that she was smiling underneath her mask. But did she smile because she was happy...? "See you soon."

He saw her too soon.

He followed the police cars, and secretly, he freed her. He doesn't know why he was doing this, but he did. It was wrong, but he still did what he did. Red Arrow made sure that his face wasn't seen by the others but she saw his face.

She saw it all the time.

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He took her to her apartment. He should be disturbed by the fact that he knew where she lived but the thought doesn't occur to him. "Why, aren't you a gentleman," she mused. "To walk his escort home," she mocked. No answer. He looks around her apartment. He always did, knew her apartment like his own. It was a small apartment, cramped and frail, with paint slowly peeling out. She didn't own much, except for a closet full of clothes and a television set. "I suppose it's fair for you to know where I live since I know where you live," she winked. Playful. Always playful at the wrong times. She looked very happy but there was a smirk on her face. Hiding. She was always hiding what she felt. "Why are you still standing here? So, are you waiting for a kiss goodbye or an invitation to stay the night?"

"I freed you," he realized. He went pale out of horror. He freed her - a criminal. He committed a crime. He should have went home. Should have let her stay in prison. Should have gotten ready for the next night he would cross her path again.

She smirked, propping herself on her couch. "Hey, Red, I'm surprised as much as you."

"Why did I?" he stuttered. Nothing was making sense. "Why did I? Why did I free you?"

Cheshire shrugged but patted the couch, gesturing for him to sit next to her. He raised his eyebrow and scolded her. "I'm not going to kill you - well not tonight anyway," she smiled crookedly. "I'm cat and I like to play with my prey. I won't hurt you, unless _you_ want me to." She tossed him the remote and out of natural reaction, he caught it.

Roy threw the remote back to her out of spite. He was...he was losing his mind. He freed her - he committed a crime - he -he was losing it. "Stop joking around!" he muttered at her. "You're lucky I freed you! I could have let you rot-

"Temper, temper," she shook her head. She tapped her fingers together at him and smiled. "Fiery temper to match your hair, Red. You know that the Crock sisters have a thing for redheads, do you?" He glared at her but she remained unfazed. "And I'm _very_ lucky that you freed me. I'm grateful," she went on her knees and started bowing to him tauntingly. "Very grateful, thank you great god for sparing me. It saved me about five minutes of my _terribly dull and __d__readful_ life from escaping."

He pulled her by the collar of her dark shirt and lifted her to his face. His eyebrows knitted and he was grinding his teeth together. "Let me make myself clear," he growled. She was provoking him as he if was a circus animal. No. He wasn't going to let her play with him like that. "What happened today means nothing. This was only a one time thing. Next time I catch you, I'm not going to send you the forces without a second a thought."

She rolled her eyes and feigned an innocent look. "I thought you would be the kind of person that would try to make me change my ways." She kicked him, twisting her arms to pull him down. She went on top of him, pining him down. She looked at him, her dark eyes starting to gleam. "You know," she said in almost a purr. "Threats don't work on me. Say what you want but you and I both know that today means something and we're definitely going to see more of each other. I'll make sure of it."

He pushed her off of him but she was quick to respond and started to attack.

"You act like something _big_ happened," she singsonged. "You just saved me. Nothing else. If you really want something to complain about, I have an idea." She pulled him by the strap of his backpack and kissed him.

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_**To be Continued...**_

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**A/N: Please review!  
**


	3. I'll Take Care of You

**A/N: so I decided not make this M. It's going to have realistic themes.  
**

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**Chapter Three: I'll Take Care of You**

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_"I know you've been hurt by someone else_  
_ I can tell by the way you carry yourself_  
_ If you let me, here's what I'll do_  
_ I'll take care of you"_

_- Take Care by Drake ft. Rihanna_

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Her heart stopped beating. She was sure that it did. She kissed him but he pushed her away in an instant. She thought...she thought that it would finally be the time that...that that...was more. He's looking her at disgust. Looking at her the way that everyone did. Like she's worthless. A disgrace. Quietly, without any mask of porcelain or skin, she watched him jump out of her window and leave.

She didn't see him for weeks. She committed crimes - petty crimes of theft but he didn't show. He always showed up but he didn't. Something changed, she knew. Jade always kissed him - at least once a week. He would never kiss her back but push her away but he always showed when she committed a crime - any crime from a murder to something petty as stealing. But something had changed. She felt it, she felt it deep inside.

"You miss him do you?" Lawrence asked his daughter.

"What are you talking about now?" she hissed to him.

"Little girl," he says in a soft tone but it felt like venom to Jade's ears. She wanted to slash his mouth and hurt him. No matter what, no matter what he did, he would never be her father. "You and I both know."

She turned away and focused on the unconscious captive that she had taken out moments before. She was picking out the captive's valuables from his pockets - a computer chip that Lex Luthor needed -rings, a golden watch, a wallet - a picture. She stared at the picture. It was a picture of the captive and his family. He had a wife and two daughters. And they were smiling. They were...happy. They...all loved each other. Her eyes lowered and she slowly put the wallet back into the man's pocket along with the rings and watch. She couldn't kill the man. "I don't know what you're talking about," she muttered.

"Red Arrow. You've changed," he said, watching her from the distance. "He's changed you."

She scoffed and glared at the man she was supposed to call her father. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Look. Look at you right now. The man is still alive with valuables still intact. You would have taken his things and he would have been dead by now but he's not. You're not the same anymore. Red Arrow's changed you. You're soft. Weak. Emotional. Just like you were when you were a child."

"Red Arrow's done nothing to me," she snapped. Her voice was hard. She was nineteen years old now. She lived on her own. She was an adult that didn't need anyone but he still treated her like a child...he still...did everything he could to put her down. She wouldn't let his verbal abuse get to her. No. Not anymore. She wasn't the little vulnerable eleven year old girl anymore that would cry every time he would make her feel like shit or beat her."I'm still the same. I just see no reason in torturing someone when we have what we wanted."

"You and I both know that's a lie," he laughed coldly. "You have feelings for him but he doesn't feel the same. And you hate it - how you throw yourself all over him but it doesn't do anything. It's sickening how you think he could ever like someone like you, worthless, cheap little bitc-

"Shut up!" she screamed. Out of anger she threw out strikes and blows.

But he caught them. He caught them and held her by the wrists. He always did. He was the only person that could. Strong and skilled as she may be, she couldn't beat the one that taught her everything she knew in self defense. "Listen!" he screamed at her, shaking her- tightening his grip on her. She didn't. She kept kicking him - giving everything she had. She didn't hold back.

"I told you never to call me that again!"

"You've lost your mind. Do you honestly think that selling yourself would make him want you? Well it's not going to work. He'll never like you."

"I don't like him," she glared at him. Her wrists - they were red and bruised. He's holding her so tight she could hear her bones cracking.

"You put up this act like you're some big hot shot that's not afraid of anything but we know that you're still the little scared girl that runs away from everything."

"I had to run away!" she shrieked. Her eyes were burning - no. She wasn't going to let herself cry. No. Never again. Especially not in front of him. "You were abusing me! What else could I do? What - let you beat me and hurt my little sister?" She closed her eyes. She hated remembering what she did - leaving her little sister - but she had to. She knew that running away - on her own - she wasn't going to have a safe life - and to bring her little sister and exposing her to more horrors of the world - and to make her sister live in constant fear of survival...Jade couldn't do that. So she had to leave Artemis. "You treated me like shit," she spit out each word. "And only me. Just me." A part of her was happy that he did. He never abused Artemis the way he did to her. So it made it easier for Jade to leave her - because he actually treated Artemis right. She knew that Artemis was in safe hands. She rather have her baby sister with him than to be out in the streets with her, worrying about where to live - food - safety.

"Unlike you, she listened. She followed orders. She didn't question or defy me. And even though she's four years younger than you, she is better than you'll ever be. Unlike you, she isn't weak. She isn't afraid. Unlike you, she didn't runaway when things got hard."

"I hate you." That was all she could say. No comebacks. What he said...what he said...it was the truth.

"I'm doing you a favor - as a father, Jade. I don't want you to go on making a fool of yourself and living in denial-

"Shut up! I don't want to hear it! You have no right to say things to me! You're not my father! You'll never be!" tears were coming out of her eyes. The first time in a long time. She felt so vulnerable...so weak. She promised herself she wouldn't.

"Fine. If you don't want to listen to me, I'll let you fuck yourself over someone that will never love you. Go on! Whore around! You're a whore. That's all you will ever be."

Something in her snapped. She flipped him down and out of spite, she smashed the computer chip with her foot. "Fathers are supposed to be kind," her voice broke out. "Fathers are supposed to love their children despite their mistakes. Their flaws. Their imperfections. Fathers are supposed to be loving and understanding. And you're none of these things. You will never be my father."

She did the one thing she was good at. She ran away. Like she always did. She ran out and away from him. She didn't know where she was going but somehow she was getting closer and closer to Red Arrow's apartment. Closer...and...closer.

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Two shadows.

That was all she could see. She was perched on top of a building, staring across from the building, Red Arrow's apartment. The blinds of his windows were down and all she could see was shadows. Two shadows. One was his - she knew well. She knew his body more than her own. And one was...of a woman's. She never seen this woman before. Her skin tightened. He and the woman...they were going towards each other...getting closer...and closer. They were kissing - and he was holding the woman tightly. Stroking her hair. Probably whispering that he loved her.

Jade's lips quivered.

He's holding her now - the woman...and Jade knew what came next.

Tears rolled down her eyes. Her cheeks. Her chin. Her neck.

"I'm sorry you have to see this."

She turned around to the voice. Lawrence. He was standing, staring down at her. Her eyes narrowed. His words - his words were...almost...sincere - he was probably mocking her. He was only here to make her suffer even more. "Go away. Get away from me."

"I may not be the best father but I know what to do when someone has a broken heart."

"Get away."

"I love you Jade and despite how you feel about me, I will always love you. You ran away, changed your last name, did everything you could to not be apart of me or near me but you will always be my daughter. And deep inside you know that I love you."

She went silent and turned away from him.

Lawrence sat down and held her.

She let him.

Let him after so many years.

She doesn't remember the last time he held her.

She doesn't remember if he ever held her before.

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"I want to be left alone," she told Lawrence. She pushed him away after letting him hold her for two minutes.

"On one condition."

"I'm afraid to ask."

"Call me dad."

"I'll call you Crusher, how about that?" she mumbled. Crusher was his nickname. Everyone called him that except for Artemis and her.

"Fine," he sighed. At least it was something - some progress.

"Can you leave me alone, _C__rusher_?" she muttered.

He didn't say goodbye. He left.

It was better that way.

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**Next Night**

She doesn't wear her mask. She wears civilian clothes this time and for once - in a long time, she goes to a bar. She wanted something - something to make her forget - and someone. Drinking. She's drinking. She's only been there for ten minutes and already drank eight shots.

"I think you should stop," the bartender said as he handed her another round.

She doesn't snap at the man but...she broke out in tears. She couldn't help it. She knew the man was trying to be helpful and she shouldn't be upset and she wasn't - it was just - it was just - the pain - he -he would never want her. She had been bottling it up for weeks and exploded.

"Are you okay?" his eyes lowered.

She shook her head. "I-I think I better go." She hated it when she cried. When she did, she would shaking and heave in the process and it would make other people sad. She didn't like to make people feel sorry for her. She reaches for her pocket but she doesn't find her wallet. She forgot it. "I-I'm so-rry-ry I-I forgot my walle-

"It's okay, I got it," a man said.

She followed the voice and found the owner of the voice. The man was standing in front of her. He slipped the bartender a hundred and told him to the keep the change. "Are you alright?" he asked her.

Jade nodded, wiping her tears. She stared at him. He was tall and muscular, pale and had blue eyes. He was dressed in a suit. He had red hair...red hair...she liked men with red hair. He looked to be in his early twenties.

"Do you mind if I sit beside you?" his voice is smooth. "Do you want a drink? It's on me," he said once he received her approval.

She knows what kind of person he was. She knew his type. He was some hotshot guy - some wealthy guy -poisoned by wealth at either birth or self made wealth - and he's full himself and heartless. He only cares for himself. He only cares for himself. She knew why he was kind to her. She knew what he wanted. He wanted to sleep with her. He wanted to get her drunk and sleep with her. That's all he wanted. That's all men wanted except for Red Arrow. Red Arrow wasn't like that. He wasn't at all.

She lets him - the man, she lets the man get what he wants. She wants this too - to forget. After four more drinks, he takes her in an expensive sports car to a five star hotel. The hotel - his hotel - he had been already settled in for a few days. She could tell by the luggage bags in his room. He's not from here, she knew. He's probably here for some meeting.

She tries to kiss him but he doesn't let her. Her eyes lowered. He only wanted sex. Just sex. She sits there, sits on the bed.

"Are you scared?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Never." She's really drunk, she realized because he looks like Red Arrow.

"You're biting your fingernails," he commented.

She looks down. She was. She didn't even notice. "Oh, sorry." She stopped. Tears are flowing from her eyes again. She used to bite her nails all the time when she was young. She did when she knew someone wanted to have sex with her.

"Don't worry, I don't want to have sex with you. I just want to talk."

She knows it's him. It's Red Arrow. She knew it all along but she wasn't sure. "It's okay if you want to," she said. She doesn't even care. People have been pulling her down for years that she never had self respect. "Don't feel guilty. I'm okay if you just use me. Everyone does."

He frowned at her. "Are you a virgin?"

"Depends how you define it." No playfulness. Just bluntness. She was drunk. She was very drunk. "A few years ago, I used to live in the streets. A man...a man went up to me and asked if I was hungry. I told him I was. And he told me he would get me some food and all I had to do was get in his car so he would take me there. I'm smart. I'm street smart but at that time, I went weeks without eating and I was hungry and I wasn't thinking - so-so I went with him." She was crying more.

"He took advantage of you, didn't he?"

"He and his friends."

His eyes widened. "I'm sorry."

"I never really...did that...before. I never had a boyfriend in my life either."

"Why not? A girl like you, I thought you would-

He's so unaware that she knows it's him. "After- after what happened...I'm not like other girls. I don't look for good looks or charm. I look for character. Good character. A person you could trust and that treats you right but I haven't found that person...until now," she meant it. She meant every word. "But...he doesn't want me."

"I'm sure the lucky guy will come along."

"Cut the act," she crossed her arms. She was tired of being this - this weak girl. She wasn't. She wasn't anymore. "I know it's you, Red."

He took a deep breath. "I just...wanted to talk to you. Honestly."

She looked up at him and into his eyes. "Do you like me?"

"I don't know but I care for you."

The tears stopped. No one ever told her that. Lawrence only cared for her if it regarded him and Artemis...Artemis loved her and cared for her but she would never say it.

"But...I want to take care of you," his voice was soft. Nothing sexual. Nothing corrupt. Just good intention. "I want to help you. You're better than what you're doing. You're a good person but you're confused and you've been hurt and I want to help you. I don't want to take advantage of you. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to do anything that men in your life had done to you. I just want to take care of you."

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_**To be Continued...**_

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**A/N: So I did an interpretation on Jade. Many may not agree on my interpretation that I did. I see her as someone that has been hurt her whole life from her father and by others. She hides what she is feeling and act tough so people will be intimidated by her. When she meets Roy, she falls for him at first sight because he is a good guy. He treats her humanely despite their roles. And she wants to be with him, not to manipulate him but to be with him but she has trouble expressing her feelings. I don't like how some fics don't serve her character justice. They make her flat but I think she's one of the most complex characters around.  
**

**Lawrence aka Sportsmaster is abusive to his oldest daughter but deep inside, he cares for her. It still doesn't justify his abusive nature. His abuse was so bad that it led to Jade running away from her home.**

**The rape in her memory was inspired by Jade's mother's background and my idea of what made Jade have more of an edge.**

**Next chapter will be lighter and fluffier.  
**

**Please review **


	4. Somewhere Only We Know

**A/N: first half is a flashback (flashbacks in this story will be italicized) also to some people that think that the whole Jade telling Roy so easily about the rape thing, she wasn't too graphic. She just implied and that she trusts him enough that she does tell him. He's the only person that's nice to her and cares for her so she is able to tell him. She never told anyone until him. ENJOY :D**

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**Somewhere Only We Know**

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_This feeling - this feeling she felt - she knew something was wrong. It was wrong what he was them do. She didn't want to fight her sister - but she was. She had no choice - they had no choice. Jade landed on her hands and with one swift motion, she swung her legs to make Artemis fall to the ground. Jade quickly sprang up and tied her down, returning to an offense position. She was bouncing in her horse stance, her eyes furrowed with deep concentration. It felt wrong. They actually hit each other - and she knew she hurt Artemis from her dual swords._

_"Good," their father commented. He was in the background, with his arms crossed. "Now take her. Show no mercy."_

_Jade's face fell. Fighting was one thing but actually hurting her...Jade couldn't do that. Artemis wasn't even eight years old yet. She was going to be next week. "What?" she turned to meet her father's eyes. His face was hidden by his mask._

_"Did I stutter, little girl?" he was losing his patience. "Hurt her. Or would you want me to clarify for you?" he sniped. "Hit her. Slash her face. Punch her."_

_"Why?" she burst out with a reluctant tone. She went pale - she never questioned her dad before - let alone be rude to him. She always followed her father's instructions but this...she couldn't do it. This was her little sister. The last thing Jade ever wanted to do was hurt her._

_His eyes narrowed. She shuddered from the sound of him grinding his teeth together. "Do what I tell you. That's an order, little girl," his voice was hard. "Doing this will teach you to have no mercy. You're going to face many people, the last thing you need to be is spineless. You need to be strong. You need to be heartless. Now attack her. Hurt her. Make her understand that she can't be weak."_

_She shook her head automatically and with one of her dual swords, she sliced the ropes that bound Artemis to the ground. "I'm not going to that!" something inside of her was making her scream. He can do whatever he want to her but there was no way she would ever physically hurt Artemis. She pulled her sister up from the floor._

_"Are you defying me?" he growled. "I say hurt her! That's an order! Do what I say!"_

_"No," she said clearly._

_His face became red from anger. "On the count of three, if you don't follow directions, you're going to be punished."_

_Her heart skipped a beat but she swallowed it and kept a firm stance. "Go ahead!" she immediately sat on the ground with her arms crossed. Everything - everything that Jade was doing at the moment was the first time. She was usually an obedient daughter, for as long as she could remember. Even with all the things he made her do and put her through, she was a good child but this - this was the last straw. She wasn't going to a puppet. She was going to fight for her belief._

_"One."_

_"Jade!" Artemis said weakly. "Just get up. It's okay. I don't mind-_

_She looked at her sister with a fierce look. "It's the principle Artemis. He can't push us around anymore and I won't let it."_

_"Two."_

_Tears were coming of Artemis' eyes. She didn't know what to do. She was scared. Jade and dad never fight. He never screamed. "Dad!" she begged to him. "Please don't -_

_"Three," Jade said it for him. She was terrified of what she was doing but she couldn't stop herself. The word rolled down from her tongue. "I said three-_

_He slammed her head against the floor. He held her by her ponytail and smashed her head on the ground. Over and over. And Over-_

_"Daddy!" Artemis screamed. "Please - stop - she's bleeding-_

_Lawrence glared at his youngest daughter. "Do you want to be punished too?"_

_Jade flashed Artemis a look. It was a look - their look. It was a look that they gave each other to be quiet when something bad happened. Artemis nodded and watched quietly as he held Jade down and kick her._

_"Artemis, come here and hit her," he called out for her._

_Artemis' jaw quivered. "Dad, no-_

_Jade met Artemis' eyes and gave her a wink. It was a wink - their code sign for the other to go along with something and that everything was going to be alright. No...Artemis didn't want to. Dad was hurting Jade - he was hurting bad as it is- and he wants her to hurt Jade too...Artemis couldn't do it. Jade winked again and smiled at her. It's okay...it's going to be okay, Artemis thought to her herself. She breathed heavily and forced herself to comply._

_OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO_

_She waited for her - Jade. Artemis waited in their room, clutching on to her teddy bear. All she could hear were screams. Their father ended up sending Artemis to her room to give Jade a proper "punishment." Sounds. Sounds of a sharp whipping sound accompanied by screams. Artemis closed her eyes and held on to her teddy bear._

_Everything was going to be okay._

_Jade...she gave Artemis their codes._

_It was going to be okay - it...it has to be._

_Minutes past and Jade returned. Artemis started to cry. Jade...her face was bruised and her back was bleeding. Blood was seeping through her dark shirt - in four sections of streaks and puddles. Artemis' eyes widened in fear. They were belt marks. Whippings. She sucked in some air and ran to her older sister. She hugged Jade and started to sob. "I'm sorry," her voice broke out._

_Jade stroked her sister's blonde hair. "There's nothing for you to be sorry about," Jade's voice was firm. She forced a smile despite the fact she was whimpering from the aftershock of being whipped with a belt. Dad...dad...he never did that before. "Everything's going to be okay."_

_Artemis parted from her and wiped her own tears. "But-but-but he hurt you-_

_"I rather have him hurt me than him hurt you."_

_"But-but you should have listened, Jade. You-you sh-ould ha-ve. Y-ou should-should have fought. You should have instead of sitting on there-_

_"It's worth it," she kissed Artemis on the forehead. "I rather get hurt than to ever hurt you. Hey," her voice went soft. She noticed that Artemis was crying again. "Don't cry," she wiped her sister's tears. "It's over. You're safe. And I'm...safe," her eyes lowered to her last sentence...safe..._

_"No, no it's not. It's going to happen - I know it," she heaved. "He's going to make us fight again and he's going to-_

_"I rather take another beating than to hurt you."_

_"But-_

_"No buts," she said in a sharp tone. "Do you understand?"_

_"I-...I understand," she breathed._

_Jade gripped Artemis shoulders and went on her knees. "Good," her eyes flickered. "Artemis promise me, that when...it happens...again - you have to pretend to be willing. I don't care if he whips me five times a day but I won't let him lay a finger on you. You have...you have to go along with what he wants. You have to be tough, Artemis."_

_"I'm...I'm not tough," she whispered. She was timid of everything. Artemis was dependent on her."I'm not brave."_

_"You are tough. The toughest person I know," she winked and smirked. "But people...they forget that tough people get scared too. There's nothing wrong with being scared but don't let others people know or even see that you're scared. Never show people your weakness. It's okay that you're not brave all the time but pretend to be so nothing bad will ever happen to you. Promise?"_

_She nodded. "Promise."_

_Jade nudged her sister. "Hey, smile," she forced herself to chuckle. Artemis tried but she couldn't. Jade bit her lip but an idea appeared in her mind. "Hey, I got something to cheer you up." She went to one of her drawers and started to rummage through her clothing. "I was going to give you this next week on your eighth birthday but I want you to be happy." She pulled out a rolled up poster and handed it to Artemis._

_"What is it?"_

_"Open it."_

_Artemis did so, slowly she unraveled it - it was a poster - a poster of their favorite book, Alice in Wonderland. "Thank you," she squealed, hugging her.  
_

_She smiled, seeing the look on her little sister's face. "I remember, I remember last year - remember? When...when...mom and dad had a fight. Do you?"_

_Artemis nodded. She remembered. When their parents fight...they were loud. Artemis and Jade, they would go into their rooms and hide in their closet and cover their ears. Their parents fight from time to time but last year...it was serious. They were really loud and things were being thrown around. "I remember," she swallowed._

_"And every time it happens -every time something bad happens - you would always tell me about going to a place - just you and me - a place where we only know. I can't bring that to you but when we look at this poster...maybe we can. And we can go to a place where we can be safe."_

_"Wonderland, that will be our safe place."_

_"Always," Jade chuckled.  
_

_"You'll be the Cheshire cat."_

_"And you'll be Alice. All we need to do is to find our Wonderland."  
_

* * *

**Roy**

It was insane. He knew it and she knew it. He shouldn't be bringing her to his apartment but he does. She had been into his apartment plenty of times but never as a guest. Her being here...it felt out of place but he didn't care. He didn't want to stay another second in the hotel. There was something about the hotel that made him uncomfortable."So," she said, slowly walking into his apartment. "What's going to happen?"

He frowned. He didn't really think it through. Everything was happening so fast and all he could do was go by the moment. "I don't know," he bit his lip and sighed. "But let's discuss it tomorrow morning. We should get a night's rest." Quickly, he added another sentence to avoid a remark from her. "Where do you want to sleep tonight? If you want I can sleep on the couch and you can sleep on my bed."

She crinkled her nose in disgust. "And sleep on a mattress where you spent quality time with bimbos? I rather sleep on the floor."

"Then sleep on the floor then," he snapped. He was trying to be polite and all she was doing was provoking and insulting him. "I don't even care."

He woke up the next morning, in his bed. Twelve o'clock. In the afternoon. Roy muttered to himself. He never slept so late before. He always woke up at eight or nine - wait...his alarm clock - his alarm clock always go off but...it didn't. He peered off the side to look at the alarm clock again to see if he read the time right. Twelve - his wallet - he swore he left his wallet on his nightstand...His skin tightened and jumped off of his bed.

She didn't.

She couldn't have-

There was a piece of paper - a paper she left. There were only three words; "I owe you."

Roy muttered, his eyes narrowing. His blood was pumping wildly. "Jade!" he called out, gritting his teeth. How foolish was he? To actually take her to his home? To-to actually...trust her. He ran to the couch but she wasn't there. "Jade!" he screamed out. He didn't care about the money - even though it had all the money he had. What bothered him the most was that she left - she tricked him. Manipulated him. Made him believe that she actually cared for him. "I'm going to-

"What?" she called out for him. Her voice, it sounded faint.

He followed her voice, finding her in the kitchen. She was by the stove and she was stirring a pot. She was cooking. He blinked several times. Roy didn't know what to think. "What are you doing?" he barked at her.

She chuckled. "What does it look like, genius?" she said as she put something green into the pot. It look like green onions. "I'm making breakfast. Breakfast for you and me - or should I say lunch?" she winked at him.

He couldn't help but to be perplexed over this side...this side of her - doing something so...so domesticated. She looked calm. Harmless. Innocent. He shook the thought away. She wasn't any of those things. She was dangerous. She was still a killer.

Jade smirked and continued to cook, calmly adding some spices. "I woke up early in the morning to make you something-

"As a thank you gift?"

She shrugged and snickered. "If you want to think of it that way. And there was nothing in the fridge besides frozen TV dinners, take out, and moldy food. So I cleaned out your fridge from the aged food and went to the supermarket and got you some groceries. I didn't have any money on me so I borrowed some money. I know I should ask but you were sleeping. I'll pay you back though."

He didn't answer her, instead he went to the fridge. The fridge was full: a couple pounds of beef, a tray of raw chicken wings, salmon, a whole chicken, two pounds of steaks, a tray of chicken legs, sausages, a head of lettuce, tomatoes, carrots, broccoli, spinach, zucchini, corn, a box of mushrooms, cucumbers, and the rest were vegetables he didn't know. They were Asian vegetables - he ate them before at Asian restaurants but he never knew the name of them. There were also a carton of orange juice, a gallon of milk, a loaf of bread, purple grapes, apples, peaches, a carton of eggs, yogurt, and cheese. He closed the fridge and looked in the cupboards. They was a tub of oatmeal, pasta,a bag of rice, jars of jellies and spreads, a bag of potatoes, and box of cereal, honey nut cheerios - he should be a little disturbed that she knew his favorite cereal but they've been chasing each other and breaking into the other's place for so long it was almost normal. "Where's my wallet?" he said bluntly.

"On the dining table," she said casually. "I left the receipt there so you won't have to interrogate me."

"I wasn't interrogating you," he muttered.

"Uh huh," she taunted. "No you _weren__'t_." She brought two bowls and placed them on the table, along with a small plate, napkins and utensils. "What are you doing there just standing?" she raised her eyebrow. "Sit. Don't worry, I didn't put any poison in it if that's what you're wondering."

He frowned at her and slowly, he sat down.

"Good boy," she taunted him in a cool tone.

He rolled his eyes. He stared at the bowl. It was a bowl of noodle soup - Asian soup. He doesn't know what it is but all he knows is that it isn't Pho. The noodles are yellow and there's shrimp and pork and slices of beef in it. He looks over to the small plate that was in the middle. There were bean sprouts and slices of lime. On the side there's a bottle of sriracha.

"It's Hu Tieu Mi, if that's what you're wondering. Have you try it before?"

"No." He stares at her, she's already eating her noodles with chopsticks.

She must have bought them along with the groceries.

"It's good. Try it. If you don't think it's good then I'll make you something else."

He looks down and finds that there's a fork and chopsticks. At least she was considerate, he thought. When he went to Asian restaurants the waitress would automatically give him a fork because he was White. He takes the chopsticks and spoon and starts to eat. The broth was rich and flavorful and the noodles were delicious. "It's good," he said slowly.

"You sound surprised."

She's enjoying this, he knew. He could tell by her wicked smile and the way she was looking at him. "I didn't know you were a cook, that's all," he turned red to his dismay.

Having her - with him - in the same room without attacking each other...it was strange. He wasn't used to it. Out of their roles. It felt wrong and he couldn't help but to see her as a stranger. But having her...talking to her - having long conversations with her...it was nice. She was different behind the mask. Sort of...humble...Simple. He wasn't much of a conversationalist but she's easy to talk to. They spent the whole day talking. It was... rather...quaint.

"Maybe I can stay here," she said, she was on his lap. He pushed her off but she remained the same, aloof. She was probably only being nice to him today to soften him up. He scolded her but she brushed it off. "What do I have to do to make you change your mind?"

"Probation," he said flatly.

"Probation?" she purred.

"Probation. I need to know if I can trust you or not so you're on probation."

She shrugged. "Better than nothing." She leaped off the couch and started to walk around. "You have a shitty little place Red."

He glared at her.

She laughed and smiled crookedly. "But," she dragged on. "This place is kind of growing on me. I kind of like it."

"Something tells me that you're a little bit too adjusted here."

"What can I say?" she shrugged, placing a finger on his lips."The Cheshire cat is always comfortable when she's in her Wonderland."

* * *

_**To be Continued...**_

* * *

**A/N: btw they are not a couple at the moment and yeah, she found her Wonderland :') This chapter explains the title of this story.  
**

**also for the flashback scene Artemis is 7 going on 8 and Jade is 12 years old in it. More will be explained about their past and there will be more depth and back story for Sportsmaster**

**So before people will say I'm stereotypical with the breakfast scene, I'm part Vietnamese and Roy likes Asian food but doesn't know the names of most except for a few. I was going to have Jade make an American breakfast like eggs and bacon or risotto and herb chicken but I decided to have her make a traditional Vietnamese dish due to a family tradition of mine. In my family when we welcome someone into the family, we make the person a nice Vietnamese dish out of respect.**

**Please review.**


	5. I Swear It's You

**A/N: Sorry! This chapter is really long o _o  
**

* * *

_"I swear it's you_  
_ I swear it's you that I've waited for_  
_ I swear it's you_  
_ I swear it's you_  
_ I swear it's you that my heart beats for"_

_- Won't Stop by One Republic_

* * *

**Chapter Five: I Swear It's You**

* * *

He feels - he feels that he was keeping her - as if she was an item that belonged to him. Almost. Not really. She was somewhat of a good roommate, despite of her several episodes of giving advances to him. She's a little eccentric but she's courteous. With her nature, she was a cat - disappearing without any warning and coming back whenever she wanted. Sometimes days but the days were never past four. He sometimes secretly follows her to see if she kept to her promise of not committing anymore crimes. She came close to numerous times but each time, she stops herself. Perhaps he had gotten underneath her skin or maybe the ulterior was still yet to be decoded. She did other things than petty attempts. She ran and exercised. Go to the supermarket when the milk was running low or when they were searching for any sort of scraps or morsels to devour. Sometimes she would go to the mall and look at things, never buy. And most of the times, she would just walk. Walk for long amounts of time. To places. Places near. And places far. She went everywhere. The park. Youth centers. Women shelters. She kept walking in a straight line. Roy knew that she didn't why she did so but he knew. She was lonely. In all the times he watched her, he never seen her with a friend. A real friend. She was always alone. Every now and then, she would go and walk to the apartment - the apartment where her sister and mother lived.

She would never formally visit them. Rather, she watched them in the shadows and behind garbage cans. He couldn't help but to wonder if her family knew she was there but the answer was clear. They didn't. Or perhaps...they did. And that they were aware of her presence but never addressed it for she wasn't welcomed in.

It was a sad life - a sad life for anyone to have.

Despite it, before she would leave, she would leave an envelope. An envelope full of money. Some days it would be stuffed while other times it would be thin. He knew the reason why she did. They were still her family. There was some part of her that must have cared. Must have. He knew that her mother was on disability pension but the money given by the government wasn't enough. Even though Artemis was given a full paid scholarship, the scholarship was unable to pay the other expenses in her life and her mothers. Maybe that was why Jade left money. Maybe that was why she stole. Maybe it wasn't for herself. If it was, then her old apartment would have been bigger. Better. In a better environment. And she would be drowning in materialistic things.

His mind was a cruel thing.

Always feeding him ideas that maybe she was a good person.

Maybe...maybe he had feelings for her. He sighed and kicked off the covers from his body. It was late at night. He should be sleeping but he couldn't. All he could think was her. She had consumed him. His thoughts. Consumed him so much that she was the only thing he could think about. His mind, his mind was simple, a bit compulsive. His mind focused on only one thing at a time. His thoughts - they used to be of finding the real Roy Harper but then she came - she came more and more into his life - creeping like a sliver of a disease, spreading and spreading.

He feels - he feels that he was keeping her - as if she was an item that belonged to him. Almost. Not really. Keeping her, it wasn't the right word. Hiding her - the term was more accurate. Hiding her, as if she was his prized object, hiding her in fear of someone finding out she was there. If anyone found out that he had her...they wouldn't respect him. They wouldn't trust him anymore. His judgement. His loyalty. And if they find out...they might hurt her. She was capable of taking care of herself but she was going through complications - wondering who she is - wondering where she belonged. There was this saying that the world wasn't just black and white - good and bad - that there were shades of gray. Shades of both good and bad. But...the saying does not apply to heroes. In a hero's mentality, there were only two things. Good and bad. Gray - gray was only a person that was confused but was still a villain. You could only be one thing. But she didn't know. She didn't know who she was.

When people came to see him, he would hide her - tuck her away.

Hiding her in fear that someone else might take care her away.

He was never a possessive person. He had plenty of girlfriends but none of them made him feel territorial. Possessive. It was her responsibility. She was the reason. She changed him. Made him this way. Or maybe the reason was something deeper.

* * *

Donna. Her name was Donna. She was his girlfriend, his girlfriend for three years - going on four. She was his first and only steady girlfriend. She was a wonderful person. Strong. Brave. Loyal. Full of pride and hope. She was intelligent, a little quick tempered, a leader. Donna was a natural born leader, just like him. She was the first Wonder Girl - they had met when they were young, when he was still Speedy. They didn't get along at first, they used to bicker. They were rivals and they were competitive but after having time getting to know each other, they fell in love and they had been together ever since.

But...things were different now. Things - they had been different ever since he met Cheshire - ever since he met Jade. He was faithful to Donna, never did he ever cheat on her but the feelings - the growing feelings for Jade...He never intended to fall for her. But the more he saw her - the more the feelings grew - the more they evolved. But Donna - she was perfect, she was perfect for him. They were high school sweethearts. They grew up together - they started in the shadows of their mentors - being mistreated - in the sidelines. And they grew - became capable heroes, became stronger, their own person. She was his polar opposite, a completion of him. She was patient though all his episodes of rage and anger. She listened to him when no one else did. She took the time with him.

He loved her but when he was Jade, he felt something more. Something different. She may have not grown up with him but she knew him. She knew him - the sides that he hid from everyone. There was this connection - he couldn't explain it. They knew things about each other. Not by hearing from the other's mouth, but from analyzing. Movements. Objects. Emotions. She was mysterious and sadistic but there was something, something that made him find her endearing. There was this quality about her - she didn't care much of her appearance. She wore mostly hoodies and tanktops and sweats and sneakers, not skirts or dresses. Unlike most girls he knew, she never wore makeup, the only thing that sort of counted was her tinted chapstick that made her lips cherry plum colored. She didn't paint her nails. They were clean but she bit them to a point they were nubs. She didn't style her hair, not at all. Her hair was wild and tangled. This quality about her - it was...real.

Perhaps it was lust - perhaps he felt this way because she threw herself at him. Touches. Kisses. Whispers of sexual exchanges that haven't been acted upon. And maybe her advances grew on him. Maybe his feelings were purely physical. Despite his theories, he couldn't find a possibly answer for one thing.

...

She was the first person he went to when he found out about himself.

* * *

"What the hell are you doing?" he demanded. He was attempting to make lunch until she came in, wearing his red shirt - the shirt that was part of his costume. Underneath, she wore one of her long sleeves.

She smirked and propped herself on the counter top, crossing her legs. "I'm doing laundry at the moment. I needed something to wear- unless you want me to take it off-

His face became red. "No. Go ahead and keep it," he grunted and continued to stir the chicken in the pan. He's not very good with cooking but he's been watching her for a while to know a few simple recipes.

"Aw, my first gift that you gave me," she flickered her eyes. "God, you didn't pound chicken enough and you didn't let it have time to marinate either." She shook her head. He was trying to make Chicken Piccata and he was failing. "How did you survive without me?" she grabbed his chin and painted a frown.

He rolled his eyes. "You could have least asked me to borrow a shirt," he mumbled, ignoring her comment.

"But I already know your answer so why should I waste my time?"

"You're-

The bell rang.

He raised his eyebrow. He wasn't expecting any company today. "Stay here," he said, handling her the wooden spoon. He looked through the lenses - black hair, blue eyes - Donna. What was she doing here? His skin tightened. He forgot that she was going to come over today. How could he forget? "Give me a second. My place is a mess," he said. He scurried to Jade, "Go hide in the closet," he whispered, pushing her. He wanted her to go away but he knew she wouldn't when she was wearing his shirt.

"Why-

"Go hide!" he raised his voice slightly. He ran to the couch and threw the blankets and pillows in the crack between the wall and the furniture, along with Jade's hairbrush. He rushed to the door and let Donna in. "Hey," he smiled and hugged her. There was this little pain, this stinging pain - the pain as if he was having an affair...or was he? He cared about Donna but he also cared about Jade. They didn't know about the other and he feels like he's hurting them.

* * *

"Jade?" he called out for her. He opened his closet where he had left her but she wasn't there. "Jade, she's gone. You can come out now." No response. He looked around but she wasn't there. "Ja-

She was there, sitting under the shower head. She was hugging her knees, her eyes on the ground.

"What are you doing there?"

"You told me to stay in hiding," she said dryly.

"I said in the closet not behind the shower curtain."

Her eyes narrowed. "I didn't want to hear anything and that's a crime?"

There was a long silence.

"Who is she?" her voice was low.

He took a deep breath. He feels sick with himself. It felt like he was having an affair even though he wasn't - but...it felt like he was. "Donna Troy. Her name is Donna."

"Oh that's a _nice_ name," she scoffed. "It sounds like a name for sunset or a name for hippies to give for their love child."

He doesn't know where she's going with this. "What's this all about?"

"Do you like her?" she looked at him into his eyes.

He didn't say anything.

"Oh." She moved her head from him. "I see, Red."

"I broke up with her earlier," he said quietly.

"Really?" she suppressed a smile. "I thought there will be screaming and lovely words from _Donna _of 'I hate you' or 'go to hell,'" she teased. She closed her mouth, seeing the expression on his face. Empty. He looked so empty. Her eyes lowered. "What happened?" her voice went soft.

_You, _he wanted to say. You. But he was too proud to say it. Roy sat down in front of her, on the ground, several inches a way. "I like her...I do. Honestly I do. We've been together for three years and a half and we were happy together but...ever since...ever-ever since I found out that who I am -and and that everything I know is a lie-

"How I feel about you isn't a lie. You're real. You may have not been created naturally but you're real to me."

He swallowed. It was seven months ago since he found about himself but the pain he felt...it was still there but it was stronger. "Ever since then...everything I know...it only reminds me of the life I took - Roy Harper's life. And her -Donna - it killed me for months every time I saw her face. She...she wasn't my girlfriend. She was Roy Harper's - the real one."

"No she's not, she had been your girlfriend for three years -

"But before it, she was Roy Harper's girlfriend months prior. "

Jade ran her fingers into her hair, going through the knots. "It kills you doesn't it? To feel like you took a life - stole it from someone. I know how it feels - I know the pain of hurting someone you don't know but you sort of do and the pain of hurting someone unintentionally. And you spent your whole life thinking that your life and who you are is because of yourself but it's not. It's because of someone else. And they force you. Force you to be what they want you to be. Believe me, I know how it feels - as if your life is nothing but a lie."

"That's exactly how I felt. Everything - everyone I know - my memories - the time I spent with people - all the dreams I had- they were never mine," he closed his eyes. The dreams - the dreams he longed for...the dreams he thought he longed for since childhood of being a hero...it wasn't his. It was cemented into his skull and spoon fed to him. He didn't know who he was. His personality - his memories - they were all programmed. Taught. Embedded. "They were all set out like a board game and I'm just a pawn."

"I remember...I remember...you were gone for four months since you found out and I didn't see you before..." before their game - her game. Of cat and mouse. "You came back into the city," she finished herself. Jade knew it wasn't the right time to provoke him. "And focused on catching me."

"The time...the time I spent on my own - I was looking for Roy Harper - day and night. I did because I wanted to give him back the life I taken and I wanted to be free from it. None of it - my friends, colleagues, family, dreams - goals - none of it was mine but then I started to think and I realized that I did have one thing that Roy Harper didn't have. I had...you."

A remark didn't escape her lips.

Not even a sound.

No expression.

He wasn't used to talking to people, confiding to them. "I wanted to forget. I wanted to forget the pain...so...I came back to the city and...focusing on the chase...it made me forget. It made...it made me set aside my own problems and focus on someone else than myself. I-I never done that before and it made me realize how much I care for you Jade."

She blinked, her hand was slowly reaching for his. He moved away. She didn't take it personally and smirked. He always did.

"It's ironic, when I first encountered you, I never expected to have you in my home."

"Funny, I expected the opposite." She bit her lip. "The first time we met...do you mean the first time you sent me to prison...or do you mean before that?"

"Both."

* * *

_She remembers the first time she met him. Or rather...saw him. She was fifteen at that time. The months on the streets had changed her. And slowly, the months were changing her beliefs. She had no choice. In order to survive, she had to do things - things that she wasn't proud of. She remembers being in a lab, seeing the project that Lex Luthor was working on. Cadmus. Project Cadmus._

_The Shadows, they found her - or rather, Lex Luthor - he had found her. Saved her from the horrors. He took her in when no one else did. Despite it, she was still suspicious about him. She saw through him - his gentle appearance and soft spoken voice. It was all an act. Trust no one. "What do you think Ms.-_

_"Nguyen," she spat out. It was her mother's maiden name._

_He nodded and smiled. "I see. So what do you think Ms. Nguyen?"_

_She looked around, staring at the glass tubes and machinery. "Where is the real person?" He had told her everything about the project - down to each excruciating detail. He wanted to gain her trust - he wanted her to reconsider her choice on joining the League of Shadows. Jade wasn't easily bought, not at all._

_"He is being kept in a place far away."_

_"You're very detailed."_

_He chuckled._

_"It's amazing," she admitted, her eyes on the clone. The clone was in giant glass tube with strange colored water, supported by the chords that were attached to him. His eyes were shut naturally, his body floating lifelessly in the water. He appeared to be her age. Pale skin, prominent cheekbones, a lanky yet muscular build, set by fiery red hair - she couldn't help to be transfixed._

_"Here are the pictures," he handed to her. "Of the process."_

_The pictures, they were the pictures she saw in Health class of a developing child in a mother's womb. She flipped through them like a flip book, watching the process of a tiny cell becoming fleshed and real. It was hard to believe it - almost surreal. Her eyes flickered back to the clone. She couldn't help but to scream from shock._

_His eyes shot open out of nowhere - the clone. And he was panicking now - screaming and kicking. He's scared, she realized. It must have been frightening to wake up in a glass tube, submerged in water. He's trying to escape - break though the glass - yanking the cords and breathing mask that were supporting him. Her eyes widened to the realization that he couldn't breathe - he's turning pale. "Get him out!" she screamed through the sound of alarms. She was frowning, her hands beating against the thick layer of hard glass. He looks so weak - so vulnerable. His eyes, his eyes were on hers - they're begging for help. _

_For someone._

_OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO_

_She watches them in silence -the scientists. They were unaware that she was watching them. Quiet and hidden. She was watching them - what they were doing to him - Red. He deserved at least a name of his own. What was it like? To be no one? To truly have nothing? They were holding him down - trying to strap him to the bed but he was kicking and screaming. He was begging - begging desperately to be free. She wanted to stop them but she couldn't. Lex Luthor was a powerful man. If she did anything that got in his way, he would do something horrible.  
_

_Injections - one person injects something into his flesh - his eyes dilate - and only a matter of seconds, he became lifeless and unconscious. They attached things to him, tubes and wire - on his limbs - his head. Feeding him, programming. Jade wanted to turn away but she couldn't. "It is a slow process," she heard a sickening charismatic voice said.  
_

_Lex Luthor._

_Jade turned around and found him, standing behind her._

_"It'll take about a little over two weeks to have him fully programmed - with memories, abilities, personality, fears. And we need to help him with human development and basic skills. Those are just a few things - we need to test him and embed material into him."_

_She nodded. "Oh." That was all she could say. He was just a puppet. She couldn't help but to feel pity him.  
_

_"He needs human interaction. We have people that will help him but he needs someone his own age -  
_

_"So that's why you took me here," she said with no emotion. "You want me to babysit him?"_

_"That's one way to say it," he said calmly. "Of course, you will be paid for your time. Are you interested, Ms. Nguyen?"_

_She scoffed him. "I'm not your-_

_She stopped herself, her eye caught on Red. She doesn't know him - he wasn't even human - but he deserved someone, someone that was genuine. The people - they weren't going to treat him properly. "Sure," she said. _

_OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO_

_She felt connected to him. She couldn't explain it but each day she saw him, the harder it was for her to leave. She shouldn't be attached to him. He should be attached to her since she was the first person he saw - the only person he saw that was his "age." He was mindless the first few days, with only a few vocabulary words in his mind. They would do things to him - force him to do 'exercises' and 'games' but they were only testing him -they would feed him memories and information, sometimes unconscious and sometimes conscious. When he was conscious - it was painful for her to watch. The memories - they were painful - she knew by the way he screamed and beg for mercy. They treated him like an animal.  
_

_He was attached to her. It was natural, expected but it made her get close to him. He trusted her - gentle - something she never experienced. The first days, he barely knew anything - their conversations were small but they didn't need words to communicate. They sign and point at things. Somehow, he found a way to make her smile. She hadn't smiled in a long time. The first time she smiled, he traced her lips with his fingers and smiled. "I-...like it," he said in a broken speech. He would tilt his head and look into her eyes, and he would smile.  
_

_"I don't like it...when you-leave," he put the words together, almost as if one word. "Either they do things - or they put me to sleep."_

_"Sleep - where do they put you to sleep?"_

_He pointed and showed it to her. It was something - something she didn't know. It was like a case - more like a coffin to her. She knew it must have done more than keep him confined. Her eyes lowered. "It must be lonely."  
_

_"Is that how people sleep?"_

_She laughed. "No, they sleep on beds - they're kind of like the thing they put you on when they operate on you. But they're softer. And we don't get put to sleep, we sleep."_

_"Sleep?" he looked so confused._

_Jade couldn't help but to laugh harder. "And if you're lucky, you'll dream. Dreams - it's like one of the things they do, they show you films and picture books - it's like that but better."  
_

_"Will you teach me how to sleep?"_

_Her heart stopped beating. She sensed something, sincerity. "Yes."  
_

_OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO_

_ She watched him grow - and their conversations became longer - and his personality developed - she shouldn't feel this way about him. She shouldn't - it was wrong. But he confided to her - tell her about the memories he was given of tragedy and death - he told her how much he was fond of her - and how much he wanted her to stay - he made her feel like she wasn't worthless. She never met any boy or man that was kind to her before, truly kind. But he wasn't human - he wasn't but...he was real to her.  
_

_The time they had - it was dying. Soon he would be sent off to do what Lex Luthor wanted. All she could do was cherish the time they had left but she wish it wasn't so soon. She sees them - the people - they're implanting some things - opening his skull._

_"You're always in places that you shouldn't be," Luthor stated indifferently._

_"Should have better security systems," she said coldly. "Will he," her voice was low now. "Will he-_

_"Forget you? You know the answer."_

_She didn't let herself feel anything._

_"Have you changed your mind about joining?"_

_"I'm not joining."_

_"Anything you want, I can give to you, the only thing I want from you is to work for me."  
_

_She bit her lip. She knew him, how he was powerful with connections all around the world. This was her only chance. Her chance to save her mother. Her mother was sentenced to life. "I want two things. One, get my mother out of prison." _

_"I can make that possible. What is your other request?"_

_"Can you keep one memory? The memory where he woke up - the memory when he saw me."_

* * *

**_To be Continued..._**

* * *

**A/N: So when will they actually kiss (like he kisses back) or start a relationship? You have to find out. The little thing with Donna, I did not like how he broke up with her but I felt like it would be something his character would do. Btw, in comics there was somewhat of a love triangle with Donna/Roy/Jade. I did not go deep into the Donna/Roy relationship due to this a Roy/Jade fic. She is also the woman he had sex on one of the previous chapters. During the time he disappeared and stop following Jade, he did that to think about his feelings for Jade and Donna. Also in the comics, when Roy and Jade were together, temporarily she gave up a life in crime.  
**

**I did my own idea of her interaction with Roy the first time she saw him. I figured since she ran away at a young age and joined the League of Shadows. In the YJ version I sort of see Jade as a person only doing things for survival such as crimes but as years past, she lost herself. Lex had a connection with both Paula and Lawrence and he wanted Jade to join because he knew of her capabilities.  
**

** I see him not being super self destructive until a few years later, when the guilt of taking someone's life has gotten to him. I think that because during the five year gap, I assume that Jade did not leave until she found out she was pregnant during the same time his obsession has gotten bad. She was worried about losing the baby due to having complications from stress and so she left. She must have left for a year (9 months to carry the baby, 3 months to take care of her). I think she did that because she didn't want Roy to worry about her health and so she didn't tell him. During the time she was gone, he went over the edge and went into deeper depression. He then focused mainly on finding the real Roy Harper to forget about her. I also think that she always planned to go back to him and so during the time, she asked people to keep an eye on him.  
**

**More things will unfold.**


	6. I Don't Know What I Want

**A/N: For italicized words, it means the past and for bold words (that aren't the Author Notes) the bold words means the future. Btw the inspiration for the story name is from a song called "Wonderland," by Natalia Kills. Lyrics: _I don't believe in fairytales but I believe in you and me, take me to__ Wonderland._By the end of the story, I'll probably list all the songs I listened to during my write ups. Enjoy :D  
**

* * *

**Chapter Six: I Don't Know What I Want  
**

* * *

_"Two feet standing on a principle_  
_ Two hands digging in each others wounds_  
_ Cold smoke seeping out of colder throats_  
_ Darkness falling, leaves nowhere to move_  
_It's spiraling down _  
_ Biting words like a wolf howling_  
**_ Hate is spitting out each others mouths_**  
_** But we're still sleeping like we're lovers**"_

_- Still by Daughter_

* * *

**Glimpse of the Future:**

**Her heartbeat - he couldn't hear it. The only thing he heard was his. His eyes shot open instinctively - she wasn't there. She wasn't in his arms -she wasn't in their bed. No - no, it couldn't be. His mind - his mind was only playing tricks on him - she must have been in the bathroom. She had been feeling sick for the past few weeks. He peered through their closet, it was full, full with half of her clothes. Her phone, her cell phone was still connected to the charger. He sighed in relief. He had this fear, this fear that she would leave. They loved each other, he reminded himself. She loved him. She wouldn't leave. He placed his head on his pillow, his eyes slowly closing - glimmering.  
**

**He sees something glimmering, on her vanity table. Glimmering in the dark, shining - her wedding ring. She never took off her wedding ring. She always wore it. His skin tightened. She was gone, he knew. She left. No, she wasn't. He was going to bring her back. He pulled the covers off of him and snatched his bows and arrows. He doesn't know where he was going or where to look, but he was running - running in the dark, desperately screaming out her name. "Jade!" he called out for her. "Jade!"  
**

**She couldn't have gone too far - she had to be here still. She had to be near. She had to. **

**"Jade!" he called out again. He was running, jumping from rooftop to rooftop of every building - searching for her. He never ran so fast in his life - his lungs - they were pumping - his chest was constricting from the ice cold air - the horrible form - but he kept running - blood was surfacing to the corners of his mouth. All the air - all the air - all the air was escaping from his body - and he was suffocating - his skin pale blue but he didn't care. He kept running. Kept running faster. He doesn't care what happened to him. He doesn't want to lose her. Losing her - he doesn't want to lose her. She was the only thing he had left - she was the only thing he ever had. "Jade-**

**Dark hair, tucked behind a mask. He sees her. She was on the ground floor - only several yards away from him, running - running with only a small bag sling on to her shoulders.  
**

**"Jade," he screamed out her name. She didn't stop - she didn't even bother to turn around - but he knew, he knew in his heart that she could hear him. He leaped down from the rooftop - jumped down from each lower level of objects and then to the ground floor. He ran after her - pulling out several arrows - pulling them back against the string, releasing them without any emotion. The arrows - they got her, pinned her down to the concrete. He ran to her, trying to get her to her senses but she wasn't listening. She was attempting - attempting to get out of his hold - pulling out each arrow that suppressed and bound her - and stabbing him, jabbing the very arrows into his skin.  
**

**"Let go of me," her voice was cold.**

**His arm, his arm was bleeding - throbbing - punctured, it was punctured but he held her still, pinning her down. "No," he frowned, tightening his grip on her. "I'm never going to let go of you. What are doing?" he screamed at her. "Why are running away - why are you leaving me?" She went silent but she went on, seeping her nails into his skin - using all her strength to kick him off of her. "I love you," he breathed. "I know I don't say it enough but I love you-  
**

**"I hate you."**

**He shook his head. "No you don't. You don't." He knew she was lying but it broke his heart. "It's a lie," he gritted his teeth. It couldn't be true. "It's a lie," he glared at her.**

**"I hate you," she spat out. "I hate you! I hate you!" she screeched. She pushed him off of her and ran.  
**

**Gripping, he was gripping her, holding her. "You don't," he yelled at her, screaming on the top of his lungs- trying to get her to hear - to stop shaking her head - to listen . "You don't! You love me! We love each other!" Silver, glimmering - he sees something, something beneath her mask. Tears. "You're crying," he told her, his hand reaching her mask.  
**

**"I'm not," she hissed, blocking his hand from taking down the only layer of protection. "I can't do this anymore - you're driving me mad. There's no room for anyone but yourself. I need to leave." He shook his head and tried to hold her hand but she sliced him, sliced him with her dual swords. They were fighting now, throwing kicks and blows, their hands digging into each other - slashing - hitting - bruising - hurting - cursing words escaping from their mouths from the pain that one another brought to the other.  
**

**...**

**In all the times that they used to be enemies - when they were enemies fighting, it was never like this. They were hurting each other -there was actual pain - blood staining their torn clothes - tears running down from both of their eyes. She was slowing down - she was having again, another sick episode but she kept fighting - but her form, it was becoming weak. He grabbed an arrow and pinned her to the concrete once more. He was holding her again, lifting her mask slightly -pulling her hair back - rubbing her skin. Vomiting. She was throwing up. He kissed her cheek. "It's alright," he whispered to her.  
**

**"No it's not. I need- I need to leave," her voice - it was breaking.  
**

**"I love you - I promise I will do better," he tilted her chin and stared into her face, wiping the corners of her mouth. "I know what I'm putting you through isn't fair but I care for you-**

**Jade pulled down her mask.**

**"Please," he swallowed. "I love you-**

**She pushed him off of her - stabbing arrows to the sleeves of his clothing - restricting him- pulling rope out from her bag and hastily tying him. She stood there, watching him struggling to break free. "I'm sorry but I have to leave - I have to."**

**"No! You-you d-o-n't h-ave to-," he stuttered. He was heaving now - his mind - he was losing his mind. "Plea-se," he was struggling to rip himself from the bindings - and watching her - just watching her walk away - and leaving him- he was crying. Tears were streaming out of his eyes - he feels like he was dying. "Don't leave! Don't-don't! Jade! Damn it Jade! Don't! Please-please-You promised," his voice, it was getting lower and lower - he was losing his voice from screaming - begging - for her to stay. "You promised me - that you would always be here with me - that you wouldn't leave."**

* * *

Her eyes. He remembered them. They were the first thing he saw. His own memory. He spent years thinking the memory was a dream, a strange dream - him waking up, submerged in water - drowning - being mesmerized by a pair of brown eyes. Frightened eyes, beautiful eyes. Everything - his thoughts - his fear of suffocating - it was all forgotten. Still. He was still for a moment and stared at her, into her eyes. She was scared, just like him. Somehow, it made him feel safe. He remembers - he remembers seeing her hand pressed against the glass confinement - and out of curiously, he matched his hand against hers. Their hands, in between a thick layer of solid glass - their hands almost touching.

They were staring at each other, still on the ground - sitting across from each other in the shower. They had been staring for hours. In the same place. He loved her, he must have loved her all along. "Why do you like me?" he whispered to her. He never felt so weak before. Nothing. He was nothing. "You know that I'm not human. You knew it for a long time. You knew it since the beginning."

"I'm strange. Unusual," she smiled slightly. Her hands quietly reached to touch his but he pulled away. He always did. "You may not be human but unlike them, you're more-

She stopped herself.

His hand touched her fingertips. She didn't need to finish herself. They were private people, introverted but he knew her, more than anyone. He knew what she was going to tell him - that she didn't care where he came from -that he was more than anyone - that he was better. But she was scared, scared of opening up and trusting anyone - he was scared of the same thing. Terrified. He loved her, he must have loved her all along. If he didn't, he wouldn't have freed her - wouldn't have took the time to find her and take her in. He must have loved her all along. "You're the only one I care for," he whispered to her, his body moving towards her - as if his body gravitated to her. He was tired. Tired of running away.

"Will you..." her voice was soft, her breathing becoming heavy. Still. She was still, watching him get close to her. Her heart was beating, from shock from his sudden forwardness."Will you teach me how to sleep?"

He kisses her then, his hands wrapped around her. His lips - his touches - the way he touched her - warmth. She felt it - her body was frozen from the taste of him - but coldness. This coldness - seeping in - it was seeping in and slowly, it was burying the gentleness - the tenderness. He was dominating her - his hands, they were digging into her - with such aggression - almost as if he was digging into her wounds. Digging. Digging. Bringing out the memories of the pain - the pain she repressed. She was terrified. She wanted to leave - but he's holding her, holding her tightly - placing her on his lap - kissing her throat - biting her - moving her along his growing erection.

"Roy," she called out to him. She wanted it to stop. So desperate that she addressed him by his name. "Roy," but he couldn't hear her. His hands, his hands were on the hem of her shirt - she snapped. She pushed him off of her and turned on the ice cold water, purposely getting him soaked.

"Jade! What the hell-

He stopped himself. There were tears in her eyes. She was hugging her legs, her eyes disconnected. His eyes lowered. She was still in pain. Traumatized. Sometimes, he forgotten that she wasn't the person she made others believe she was. She was human. She was like him. Scared. Always running away, hiding from everything. Things. "I'm sorry," he stroked her cheek. "I wanted to do that for a long time - and I couldn't help myself."

"It's alright. It's nothing, Red."

It wasn't nothing. "I also thought - thought you wanted something like that." He leaned and gently, he kissed her cheek. The water was still on but they didn't notice.

"I don't blame you," she chuckled. His kiss, it was nice. Different. She felt safe, like she belonged. "And...I really don't know what I want."

"I don't think anyone does."

* * *

Carefully, he lays her down on his bed. Three weeks - they were together for three weeks now, with eyes half lidded - fighting to stay awake. They don't know what to think. Was it a relationship? Or was it need for comfort? Companionship? She rests on her side and watches him, lay down, right beside her. She was releasing snide remarks, doing everything to sedate and mask her anxiety. She wants to be here, close to him - but at the same time, she doesn't. It's been three weeks of being by side but she wasn't used to it. "Do you sleep?"she asked in flat tone.

He blinked. "Of course."

"Do you dream?"

"No."

"Ever?"

"No," he locked his eyes on her and it makes her feel safe. "Do you?"

"I used to dream. I used to a lot but that was a long time ago."

"What happened?"

Her father. When he started to train Jade - Jade alone - before Artemis was old enough to. At first, she was excited to - until she learned her parents' true identity - until - her father forced her to do an exercise - to rob an elderly woman. Jade was only seven years old that time and it affected her - and it affected the woman. There was no one - no one to guide her - no one to hold her - no one to understand. She stopped dreaming ever since. "I can't remember," her voice was hallow.

"You can't or you won't?"

She laughed but the sound of her laughter, it was sad. Empty.

"I wonder what it's like to dream," he says in a drowsy state - a state of tenderness and curiosity. He was running his fingers through her hair. She was frozen now, frozen from fear - gentle, it was gentle. She never been touched so gently, so...so affectionate. She had, she had before by him but it seemed to be so long ago. When he touches her, it feels like - like almost a stroke - almost as if he was petting her. "How do people dream? Do they just shut their eyes and receive them or do they have to pray for a dream to visit their mind?"

"It depends on luck, I suppose because I've been praying for a dream for a long time." She moved and pressed her head on his chest. He lets her. It frightens her - makes her stop breathing for a moment. Was this...was this a dream? Because...everything - everything felt so unreal. He's kissing her now and it pains her. It pains her - that it was everything she wanted - it pains her because she wasn't right. "What's going to happen- between you and me? Everyone?"

"I don't know what is going to happen with us but I know there are going to be changes. And people won't understand - some will leave."

"Good thing I only know a few people," she smirked. "It will hurt less - I don't like change."

"Me either, but it's going to be a good change."

"It'll be a while before it will feel like that."

It was going to be a long time.

* * *

Missing, it felt like something was missing in her. This feeling - this horrible, unknown emptiness - it was devouring her, savaging her limbs - ripping, shredding her flesh; thread by thread, tearing her down to her bones - her mind. The pain, it did not cease as the days went on - it only evolved. Confined - she felt so confined - trapped in her own thoughts - yearning to speak out and reach out for someone but at the same time, she couldn't. The only thing she knew was running away.

So she did.

In the night, she slipped from the bed, his arms, his skin - pulled on her clothes and slung small satchel on her back. The clothes - there were Cheshire's. It was a long time since she put these on. She hadn't been Cheshire in a long time. Inhaling quietly, she secured on her mask and jumped down out of the window. She doesn't know where she was going but she ran - ran forward - all she wanted to do was leave - go away - from him - the new lifestyle - what he was doing to her - the changes.

She didn't even say goodbye.

Running - she was running-

_Coward._

His voice - it was Lawrence's - and she could hear him - his voice. Cackling. Howling. Her skin tightened but she kept on running. She was in the poor part of the city now - darkness, with gated and barred stores, pattered grounds, the scent of cigars.

_You're weak, Little Girl. Always was. Always crying and running. Weak. Fragile. Nothing._

"Shut up," she screamed - she sees him now - in the reflection of one store. The store, it was not barred or gated. Nothing inside, nothing to steal. The store was abandoned, cleaned from valuables. She sees him, his reflection - was he really here...or was he in her mind? She wants to ignore it - push it all aside but she can't. She can't. He's staring at her - his reflection - with that smug look gleaming in his eyes.

_Tell me, why are you running away - or should I say, this time? You must be happy being with your boy toy._

Her eyes narrowed. "I don't know what you're talking about," she went closer to the glass.

"You're always in denial." She went pale and turned around - he was here. Standing, standing in front of her, his mask mocking her. "Wake up little girl. Get your damn head out of the clouds. You're scared. You're scared of your feelings - what you feel for him - what he feels for you and you're running away, because of_that_?" he sneered. "Why are you so afraid to love someone - to let someone love you - or should I say something? Why do you either push them away or disappear?"

"I don't love him," she spat out. It was true. She was scared of intimacy. No matter how she tried not to be, she was.

Lawrence laughed. "You're lying through you teeth. Lex Luthor showed me videos - of you all over the clone. You stayed at Cadmus for hours - you even stayed there for the night for the thing. _Feeding him. Holding him_. Don't tell me shit that you don't love him."

She went silent.

He shook his head and circled her, snickering. "Maybe...maybe that was the reason why you agreed to be near me on the missions. Maybe that was the reason why you kept telling me not to hurt him. Begged to be involved in missions with him. And maybe that was the reason why you betrayed the Shadows."

No response.

Lawrence breathed heavily. "He wants you, Lex Luthor. He wants you dead."

Jade's heart skipped a beat.

"You act like you're surprised. Ever since you saw that thing again, you've been nothing but a failure. A disgrace. They've been looking for you. Looking for you ever since that night. Don't you remember the night? The night you destroyed the microchip? The chip, it was valuable - a crucial component for the Light's ongoing plan. Years of information and codes lost. It'll take a few years to collect the information. And to think you've been hiding with _him_."

"I wasn't hiding," she snapped. "So, now that you found me, what are you going to do with me?"

"You're my daughter Jade. We're still family. You're still my blood. No matter what crap you do, you're still my Little Girl. You're still the little one year old who's first word was 'daddy.'" Tears streamed from her eyes. She used to follow him - this man, this man that was part responsible for giving her life. There was a time when she used to be excited every time he returned home. She would run to him - jump into his arms and kiss him and he would kiss her cheeks, and tell her he loved her. He used to read to her, he used to read to her and her sister every night. "They won't stop until they find you but I'll do the best I can to leave them in the sidetracks."

"They're going to find me. Eventually. They always do," that was all she could say. "But I don't need your help," her voice went hard. "I don't need anyone's help. I can take care of myself."

"I'm your father. I'll always protect you and Artemis."

"I know what you're going to ask," she held out her dual swords, holding them at his throat. "I'm not going to go with you. I rather be out on the streets by myself. I have a lot of experience and I have a lot of experience of you abusing me - I still have the scars," her voice cracked.

He went silent.

"I-I still have them," she raised her voice. "All over me. And-and they won't go away," Jade shook her head. Over and over. Faster and faster. "No-no ma-tter how much I try, they won't go. You don't know how much I hate them - I HATE them. I-I can't even get close to a person without worrying when they're going to see them - the scars - and I'm afraid - afraid that they will leave - because I'm not good enough - who wants someone with burns and scars on their back - their stomach - their arms? No one," she screamed. She was going through a mental breakdown."Even if I kill you now, I'll still have the scars - and the scars-they're you," she swallowed. "And-and I'll always have you- and I can't get them away - they're a part of me. AND- AND, I-I don't want to remember. I don't want you here. Ju-st-just get out. Leave me. Go! Leave!"

She was crying, heaving and trembling. Her weapons, they were on the ground-

and so was she.

She was holding herself, rocking back and forth.

He was gone - but she hears another voice - Roy.

"Jade," he calls her name. He was calling for her.

"Jade."

"Jade."

He says, over and over, almost as if he was reciting her name. "Jade...Jade...Jade." He's getting closer - he was looking for her. _Go, come on little kitty,_ she hears Lawrence's voice again. She covered her ears. _Go on, go on to your master. He'll take care of you. He's calling your name, respond. Go on. _"Jade- what are you doing?" he says as he approached her.

_Who is the real one manipulating who? Who is the real one controlling who? He's made you weak - domesticated you. Go on, because no one else will take you. Go on because they're nothing for you. _

"Stop!" she yelled to the voice in her head. The worst part was that it was true. Roy made her weak. He tamed her. "Stop it!" With tightened fists, she ran - pounding her fists against the glass windows - breaking - smashing. "Shut up!" she screamed, glass breaking piece by piece. Bit by bit - seeping into her flesh. Blood - it was dripping - drenching - _soaking_ her clothes.

"Jade!" Roy screamed. He held her by the arms and stops her from breaking another glass window. She moving, fighting and pushing - trying so desperately to break through the glass - her reflection but he doesn't let her go. "Stop it, stop it now- JADE STOP IT."

_Jade, be a good little kitty. Be a good kitty. _

"No!" she screeched. Weak. She felt so weak. She wanted to break everything - show him - show him she was strong. She feels - she feels that it was his fault too, Roy's. He was changing her - changing everything. Because of him, she wanted to be destructive.

"Stop it!" he shook her body, putting pressure into her arms. "Stop it! Why did you leave? Why are you doing this to yourself?!"

_Jade, be a good little kitty. Be a good kitty. Go to your owner. He has a nice home for you. Don't you like it there?  
_

"I don't know who I am anymore!" she burst out in tears. She fell to the ground but he caught her. She closed her eyes and feels something - he was kissing her, Roy. "I...I don't know who I am anymore," she whispered to him. "I don't. I'm so lost. Being a criminal - it's all I ever known - ever since I was a child- and quitting - I thought it would be good for me but it's not. Being a criminal - that was all I was ever meant to be and since I stopped- I feel - I feel like I'm no one. What's- what's there for me? What am I suppose to do? I can't-I can't be one of those girls that rely on men. I don't want to be - what you want me to be - I want to be myself but I can't. I-I can't-who-who am I really?" Whimpering. She was whimpering.

His eyes lowered. "That's how I felt - when I found out about myself. I felt so lost."

She looked at him and tucked herself underneath his arms. It was enough, it was enough for her. He knew what it was like. They were the same. They were cold, private, obsessive, destructive. Despite their differences - despite what they were trained to be, they were the same.

* * *

"You scared me, you don't know how much you scared me when I woke up and you weren't there," he muttered to her as he held her battered hands. He ran her hands underneath the faucet after picking out all the shards. Blood was running, flowering from her veins. So much blood. Her skin was torn, her knuckles bruised and broken. Roy wanted to take her to the hospital but if she went as Cheshire they would question her and take her to prison and if she went as Jade, the doctors might see what she had done to her hands as destructive suicidal behavior and take her away.

"I figured to be gone when you wake up," she said as she swallowed several pills he gave to her. The pills, they were to prevent infection and to help with the pain.

"I didn't want you to be gone," he emphasized. How could she be indifferent? Earlier she was crying - crying on the ground and hurting herself. He dried her hands with a white towel but it became drenched in red. He applied medicated cream and Neosporin and wrapped her hands in bandages.

"Why?"

"Why?" he raised his eyebrow. "Because I love you Jade. Do you need a reason?" He felt his throat burning, his chest tingling.

"Yes," she said without any emotion. She was in shock from what she had done, he realized. "You could say it a little bit nicer," she added.

Amused, she was amused. Fastening her last hand, "If I do, you have to let me carry you to the bed."

"I can walk, you know."

"I know but I want to," he snapped. He just wanted to hold her, take care of her but all she was doing was pushing him away. "God, why do you make everything a joke? You scared me -I-I thought you were going to kill yourself."

Jade shrugged. He kissed her hands and carried her, placing her down. He laid beside her and held her - if he just held her like this- she wouldn't have left to do God knows what. "Do you really mean it?" she asked.

"Mean what?"

"What you said - that you love me. Do you really love me?"

He stared at her - the way she looked at him. Innocent. Bewildered. She looked so innocent. "Of course I do."

"You know - love, it doesn't really last. Eventually you'll love someone else."

"You once said that this was Wonderland and that there was no such thing as time," he stroked her dark hair. A smile appeared on her face. She leaned and kissed him and he lets her. "Do you love me?"

"It's obvious isn't it?"

"Well do you?" he was losing his patience.

Jade laughed. "I suppose," she said nonchalantly. He knew she really meant yes. He grabbed her hands and kissed them, knuckle by knuckle. He was never an affectionate person but he doesn't like seeing her like this.

"Do you love me a lot?"

"I'm here aren't I?"

"Will you do anything to prove it?"

"Yes." A straight forward answer.

"Can you promise me that you will never leave me again?"

"I promise."

* * *

_**To be...continued?...or...the end?  
**_

* * *

**A/N: I'm not sure with the status of the story but if it continues; more to come on more depth on Lawrence/Jade relationship and also more character depth on Lawrence along with Artemis. Jade's relationship with her father is far complex than what appears in my story.  
**

**Jade leaving (THE FIRST TIME, NOT THE FUTURE TIME) is for a number of reasons: due to the changes of being tied down, being intimate. Being intimate is difficult for her. She was raped and is very insecure about her body. I see Jade being a little scared with intimacy but will be herself after a few times. For the first few times, Jade will have to adjust being with Roy but will become herself again and want to dominate him sexually as well. **


	7. Collecting Pieces

**A/N: so heads up, I purposely repeat words and phrases in my writing when I want to emphasize a scene/character's emotions and show readers something. Gah hope you guys enjoy this chapter. So much stuff in it. It's like a stuffed sandwich...mmm sandwich. lol okay, enjoy! :D  
**

* * *

**Chapter Seven: Collecting Pieces**

* * *

_"Feel it comin' in the air_  
_ Hear the screams from everywhere_  
_ I'm addicted to the thrill_  
_ It's a dangerous love affair"_

_- Run this Town by Jay-Z featuring Rihanna_

* * *

**Glimpse of the Future:**

**"Hold still," she commanded, her tone dry from humor -her hand gripping his face. She has him strapped to a chair, bounded and secured. Being tied doesn't do anything to him - he's moving - struggling to break free. She shook her head and sat on his lap - holding a knife close to his throat. "Honestly Red," she cooed to his lips, showing him the sharpness of the blade. His heart skipped a beat. "You should know by now that fighting it is a waste of time."**

**Instinctively, he moved his head back. "The baby - Lian," he stuttered - his mind hadn't registered to the fact he was a father and he had a daughter. He was still in shock. "She's-  
**

**"She's sleeping and she's fine. I put her on the bed and surrounded her with pillows. And the bathroom door is open just in case she cries," Jade coaxed. "But you're not fine, Roy," her eyes lowered. She used the blade and carefully, she started to shave a part of his face - his chin to his cheek bone - pushing the shaving cream upwards in strokes. She used her sleeve and wiped the cream and sliced facial hairs off of the knife. It killed her - he was so obsessed with finding the original Roy that he didn't have any razors - he didn't even set time to buy a new box - his apartment was decaying. Dirty, paint peeling off - everything in cluttered piles- dust caking and layering every object -there was no food in the fridge - only bottles of beer and whiskey. "Look at yourself, you're a mess."  
**

**He became silent. "You broke my heart," he whispered. He saw no point of living since that night they fought - the night she left him. He tried - honestly he tried - attempted so many times to kill himself since then. The only thing that kept him alive was his vow, his vow to find the original Roy Harper. If it wasn't that, he would have been long dead to leave the pain she left for him. Loneliness. Betrayal. Heartbreak.**

**"I'm sorry that I left," she swallowed. She wiped the tears from his face and continued to shave his cheek.  
**

**"Why did you leave?"**

**"I had to leave - I was pregnant-**

**"You could have told me. You could have stayed."  
**

**She closed her eyes and let her own tears fall. "I know but you had enough on your plate with the search and the doctor said I was three months pregnant - that I was having complications from stress - stress from keeping you sane - trying to make our marriage work - I couldn't do it anymore when I was pregnant," her speech was becoming scattered and broken. It was almost a year since she left but the pain and fears she felt was there. It was...still ...there. "And-and I wanted to keep the her -Lian - I wanted to keep her alive And I didn't want you to worry - you had so much to worry about."  
**

**"Are you sure she's mine?" he stiffly said. Having them here - Jade with him - it felt too much of a dream. Too perfect. "How do I know that you didn't dye her hair red?"**

**Jade laughed. "I'm pretty sure dying a baby's hair is practically illegal. She's yours. It's only been you. It's always been you."**

**"Do you still love me?" his skin tightened. "Because I still love you."**

**"I never stopped loving you," she placed the knife down on the rim of the sink and wiped his face from the remnants of shaving cream with her sleeve. "I thought about you every day - I know what I did was wrong and I shouldn't have done it -but I was scared. But the whole time I was gone - I always planned to go back to you, since the beginning. I'm here now," she placed her head on the crook of his throat. "And all you have to do is tell me if you want me to be here or not."  
**

**"I want you here," he doesn't take a second to think. He should have thought it through - he went into depression because of her - she broke his heart but he didn't care. He loved her and she was here. That was all he could as for. "But...things aren't going to be the same anymore. It hasn't been in a long time," he exhaled. They couldn't back. They can't. They can't go back to a time everything was fine - they tried - they tried so much.  
**

**"We can," she faced him and smiled. "We can start over. The only thing different is that we have a baby and that's the only thing different but better." She touched his oily shaggy hair, combing the knots with her fingers. His hair was oily -tangled - unruly - she sensed he hadn't showered in weeks. "I shaved your face already and I need to do is cut your hair," she chuckled. "Give you a shower - make sure you're fed and make sure you sleep."  
**

**He half smirked. "You make it sound so easy."**

**"It can be, if you let it be," she touched his arm. His body, it was deteriorating. Thin. Nearly a corpse.**

**"You're going to be on probation again."**

**Jade crookedly smiled. "I knew there would be a catch."**

**...**

**She untied him once she cut his hair. She cut it the same style. "I still don't understand why you had to tie me," he wrapped his arms around her waist. She has him on his lap.  
**

**"Because you wouldn't stay still, even when I was putting shaving cream on you. You kept moving and putting your arms around me," she kissed him. "Just like this, right now. I had to hold you down or you would be jumping on me."  
**

**"I just wanted to make sure you were actually here," he held her tightly. He was happy - beyond any form of happiness he had experienced - he was overjoyed that she was here again, with him. He couldn't help but to touch her - kiss her - do everything he wanted to do to her since she was gone. "And not a dream."**

**Jade pulled at his shirt. "I'll let you touch me after you take a shower, a _long_ shower, a long long shower-**

**There were marks on him - bruises - scars - burn marks - all over his chest - stomach. Sections of flesh were torn and burned - embedded with blood and damaged, discolored tissue. The bruises- the cuts they were shades of purple - the markings - it was self infliction she could tell by the shapes of the cuttings - the tears -he did this on himself. "What did you do?" she demanded. She was mad - angry that he could do this to himself. She touched his stomach stroked a burn mark.**

**"I missed you so much," he whispered. "I wanted- I wanted...to be like you."**

* * *

He stripped her down to her undergarments, pulling at her clothing - through every layer - one by one. There were scars on her - burn marks - dark bruises of all sorts of shapes, all over her torso and stomach - a little bit of her chest. So many wounds. So...many...wounds. He exhaled and his body began to shake. Her eyes flickered at him. "This is me," she said softly, lying on the bed, flat on her stomach. "And it's going to be for a long time."

Sections of her hair falls to her dark eyes and he watches her lips curve downward.

"The front side of me is actually the pretty side," she chuckled.

He goes to her - her back - he went pale. Her back was covered in nothing but layers and layers of belt marks. Scars. It reminded him of pictures he saw in his AP US History class of former slaves with whip marks on their backs.

"I told you that you wouldn't want to see," her voice went soft.

He stroked her back. "It doesn't change a thing how I feel about you," he leaned and kissed her back. Everywhere. Every place. Every scar. "You're still beautiful."

"You never called me beautiful before."

"I thought it wasn't necessary."

"It isn't but it's nice to hear, you know?" she let him kiss her skin.

Bringing her to his arms, he kissed her. "How can anyone do that to their own child - their daughter?"

She knew he was inferring about her father's abuse towards her. "I don't know," she admitted. No matter what Lawrence told her - his reasons - his logical terms - no reason could make it alright. "He wasn't always like that. He used to be a good dad - loving and kind and I used to...I used to idolize him." She shuddered from the memories - the sad memories. "I used to love training with him - I used to love just being near him."

"What happened to him?"

"It was during the time Artemis was old enough to train with me. He witnessed his friend's daughter being killed - slaughtered - by one of the heroes in the Justice League. The girl was only a child. Only seven years old. She did nothing wrong - she wasn't even in the way. Seeing it - it traumatized him. He's done things - see things - killed and witnessed countless murders but he never saw a child die. He hadn't been the same ever since."

...

"I want to see her - I want to talk to my sister."

He bit his lip. No. There was no way in hell was he going to let Jade do it. "I know but the idea - the idea is-

"Stupid - impulsive but I want to talk to her and it's the only way, you have to understand that."

"What if you can't escape? What if-

"I'll figure it out and find a way, I always do."

* * *

**Artemis**

Seeing her again - her face - it was like a bad dream. Bitter. They have her guarded -Jade. They have her surrounded from the front - behind - sides - Green Arrow, Batman, Aqualad, Red Arrow - they have her shackled - and they're leading her to a room - her cell. A part of Artemis wanted to tell the members of the team to stop it - to free her older sister - but she couldn't. She couldn't mix personal feelings with what was right. Jade was a criminal.

"Where did you find her?" she went up to Red Arrow the second him and the others went out the room that they kept Jade in.

"I found her this morning stealing and I stopped her," he answered dryly.

Artemis blinked. The answer was almost too easy. Everyone had been looking for Jade for months and all of sudden Roy - Roy -this Roy who hadn't contacted the team since he found out about who he was - he shows up out of nowhere along with her sister. Artemis wanted to go on and ask him more questions but the only thing that was on her mind was Jade's safety. "What are you guys going to do to her?"

"We're going to have her stay here under our watch and surveillance," Batman answered. "We're going to interrogate her, she might know some information that we need."

"And what's going to happen her after it?"

"Send her to the police."

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"I know she's a crazy homicidal manic but she's still your sister," Wally tapped on Artemis' shoulder. It was their turn to watch Jade - the security videos - to study Jade's every move. "Don't you think keeping her locked up is a little bit- harsh?"

Artemis sighed. "Well she's a captive, we have to treat her like a captive even if we're blood."

"Still harsh though."

She swallowed. "I know but I don't exactly have a say in it do I?" she snapped.

"I know but you do have a say in talking to her - something that you're not doing. I know she wants to talk to you. Every time I check up on her or give Jade her food, she always asks for you, Artemis. I know you and her have a strained relationship but you should talk to her."

"About what?" Jade left her. Left her alone in a broken home. Left her defenseless. Jade left and went into the family business - something they both swore never to do. " I have nothing to talk to her about."

He touched her shoulder. "About her. About your father. About everything you wanted to know about your family."

...

...

...

"I brought you something," Artemis said as she entered Jade's room.

"And who are you?" she purred, springing from her feet. She was doing stretches earlier. "You must be the maid to change the sheets of my _lovely _room."

"Cut the crap," she rolled her eyes. "God Jade. You could have brushed your hair or something. You have all the time in the world to do anything you want and yet you didn't brush your hair- I brought you something," she tossed Jade a box of watercolors, watercolor pad, and paintbrushes. Watercolor pencils to be exact - the twenty four pack from white to some shade of pink that all looked the same to her. Watercolor pencils - it becomes watercolor when you dip it in water. Jade loved them more than actual watercolors because they were more portable. "So you won't be that bored."

Jade - she used to paint. She painted beautiful things - from abstract to realism. Artemis loved it. Every new artwork was always better than the one before it. Paintings of cotton candied skies - crystal faces. She used to paint all the time. Every single day. Until...until their mother threw out all of Jade's paints and tore down every art piece as punishment for mediocre grades.

"Thank you," Jade said, her voice stopping Artemis from putting her hand on the door knob.

Her skin tightened. "You're...welcome," she said with no emotion. She turned her head away from her older sister and went on, closing the door. Leaving her be. Leaving her...alone. "It was...nothing."

...Nothing...

* * *

It pained him to see her like this - trapped in a room. It wasn't a room - it was more of a cell. White walls, nothing but a bed, clock, and a table with mindless items to keep her sane - a couple of books and puzzles. There was a bathroom in the room but there was no ventilation. The only thing that sort of counted was the air vents that provided air conditioner but the air vents were sealed shut. And she was forced to wear a collar. Any move of trying to escape - she would be electrocuted. The worst part was that she was secretly here by choice. Roy wanted to take her and himself out and go back to their apartment. He missed her. He hated that he did, but he missed her. He hadn't spent real time with her in weeks. The only time he did see her was when he was assigned to bring her a meal or watch her through the videos. But their conversations - their freedom of speech - it was limited by the cameras installed in the room. The interrogation, the Justice League members did that. And as usual, the adults kept it confidential.

Making him feel inferior.

He's watching her through the cameras now with Kaldur. When they had captives, giving meals and watching the captive was done with partners for safety. She's sitting on the tiled floor, with a watercolor pencil in her hand and a paint brush in the other. It was interesting, watching her. It was always interesting watching her. The watercolor pencil is red and she's completely absorbed by it- her eyes wide and locked onto the thin item - forgetting everything. She's dipping the brush into the cup of water and she starts to wet the lead of the pencil. Roy couldn't help but to be interested. She's drenching the brush with red paint and then she starts to paint something on the watercolor paper pad. She's painting in a rush - as if she wasn't going to paint again. Her hair is all over the place as she moves back and forth to retrieve different watercolor pencils and dampen it with a brush.

"She's very odd, isn't she?" Kaldur commented.

"Yes...yes she is." He couldn't hide his adoration for her. He couldn't explain it. He could never explain it.

"She paints nicely though."

"She's okay. I've seen better," he moved his head away from the screens. More than nice. Beautiful. She's painting something - bringing it to life - splashing color and depth onto a page. Roy stared at the screen and by coincidence, she was directly staring into the lens - as if she knew he was staring at her. As if -they knew something -as if there was something.

Kaldur frowned. Roy and Jade didn't smile but he sensed something, something deeper. Beyond the surface. Something was off in his friend. As if Roy was holding back and yet as if he wasn't. Roy seemed too absorbed into her. There were ongoing rumors. Speculations about his friend and his relationship with the very woman that they was confined. Kaldur thought the rumor to be ridiculous but seeing Roy stare at the screen like that - staring at her like that - Kaldur knew that something was wrong. Ever since Jade was here, Roy has been here every single day consistently for the past three weeks - more than all his visits combined. Usually his visits were fractured but it was never like this. "How did you exactly captured her?"

"I would like to know that as well," a voice said. Batman. He was approaching them with a glare. "Tell me Roy, how did you exactly captured her?"

* * *

A painting. She painted a young girl with white long hair and green eyes. The girl in the picture, she looked frightened and she was crying watercolors of different colors - the girl's arm it was peeled in the middle and blood was coming out. Artemis took a deep breath and went closer to her sister. "She's pretty but she looks so sad," Artemis rubbed her arm and turned away for a second.

"I should the same about you. What do you want?" Jade didn't even bother to face her sister.

It didn't matter - because Artemis didn't want to look at her. "I want...I want to know about what happened during the time I haven't seen you." She hadn't seen her sister in years and now she always saw her. To...her dismay. It was funny...and sad how you want someone to be in your life and once they are...you don't want them at all. "About you. About what happened during the time you were gone - how you got into a business that we both swore we would never be in. About dad- where he went when mom and dad separated. About...us."

Jade placed the materials off to the side and started to run her fingers through her knotted hair. Her hair was everywhere. Like a bird's nest. "It's a long story." A straightforward, non aloof answer. "A...story that I haven't really figured out myself."

"What?"

She shook her head and laughed to herself. "You know that in our family, nothing is what it seems." Jade and her always dry sense of humor...and truth. "So many mysteries - so many that I have yet to uncover. I've been piecing information but I haven't figured out the whole thing." Their parents, they were very secretive. Artemis barely knew any of them. Only the fact that they loved her.

"Neither have I."

There was a long silence.

"But you do know where you've been. What you've done. Tell me- why and how did you get into this life - this life we promised to never get into? I kept my promise - but you didn't. I want to know."

"And you deserve to know," her voice became slurred and drowsy. "I guess I should go back to the beginning."

"I'm waiting," Artemis crossed her arms.

"Well it started before you were born. Before mom married...him...she was married to another man."

Artemis almost fell over. "What?"

She sighed and shook her head. "It was a long time ago and she doesn't like to talk about...ever. And...this man he was on biological terms, my father. I don't know much about him. I was only four years old then - I don't even know his name - only thing I know is that he was French. And...he was a horrible man. He was a drunk. A deadbeat. A gambler. Abusive. He used to hurt mom all the time. I remember - I was four or so, and-and I remember...he threw her down the stairs and he used to beat her. You never forget the first time you walk home alone, by yourself after your first day of Kindergarten to find your mom being beaten."

"How did...my dad...come...into the...picture?" she didn't know what else to say.

There was an amused smile on her face. "He was always in the picture. Since forever. During the first four years of my life, he was always there. Always there...that I saw him as my dad. I even called him that name." She closed her eyes. That was a long time ago. "He and mom were good friends, if you know what I mean. He used to visit her every day when the deadbeat was gone. And he used to make us smile. Mom never told him about the domestic violence but I think...I think he always knew. Eventually, mom...she got tired of the life and we ran away with him. Shortly, they got married and they had you. "

"Was she...was she always a criminal?"

"Before her marriage to Lawrence, she didn't work for the Shadows. She used to steal and commit crimes but it was for survival and to pay off the debts of her first husband's gambling addiction. And when she married Lawrence, she started to work for the Shadows in order to support two children. Even though we're half siblings, you're still my sister."

Artemis nodded. She wanted to tell Jade that dad will always love them but Artemis knew how Jade felt about him. But...dad saw Jade as his own daughter, he even called her Little Girl. It meant something still - it had to.

"Things...things got complicated over time with them - things I don't even know. I don't know what happened between them - they used to love each other and we used to be a happy family before any of it." Jade stopped messing with her hair. "Things are always complicated with us."

Complicated.

Everything with the Crock family...

it was...

always...

complicated.

"And of course...you know why I ran away."

"I still don't know why you didn't take me with you," her tone was bitter. "You left me alone with dad. You left me. You promised you would never do that."

"Because I didn't want you to get hurt. I didn't want you to follow that road. You always deserved better. And look at you now." No smile. No smile from either of them.

"You deserved better too."

She shook her head. "No. Not me. I think I knew it all along that I was going to be this person. And it wasn't like I could run away from it. Believe me, I tried. I looked for countless jobs but no one wanted me even to this day. And the time in the streets, I tried. Until...one day...I was taken. I would have put a better fight...but I was weak. I didn't sleep in weeks in fear of being taken advantage of - and I didn't eat. And I was taken. And I was going to be sold to men."

Artemis was shaking now. She knew what her sister was inferring.

"But...Lex Luthor, he found me. He saved me. And through circumstances, I started to work with him."

"Why did you work with him? You know what he is capable of."

"I know but it was the only way I could do to save mom."

"Save...mom?"

"Her sentence was for life but he managed to shorten the time into a matter of a few years."

"I didn't know it was for life." How many things was she kept in the dark about?

"Mr. and Mrs. Crock love to keep things somewhat normal, to some _extent_," she mocked. "You were very young Artemis. Of course they didn't want to make you sad about knowing that our mom wasn't going to come back ever. You have to understand that."

"Maybe I don't want to understand."

"You know...you the night that mom became crippled?"

Her eyes watered from the memory. "How can I forget?" It was the night that their mom took the fall and it was the night that sent their mother to prison.

"During the years I was trained by Lex Luthor, I found out something," Jade was frowning. "That...that...Lex Luthor assigned them the mission and that...he purposely got someone to sabotage the mission and hurt her."

She lost it. Her mind snapped completely. "Why did he?" she was screaming. "Mom and dad worked for that man! They've been loyal members-

"That was her last mission. She wanted to quit. She was tired of the lifestyle - she wanted to start over - to be a normal family - she wanted more than what she's been born into but Luthor wanted her to stay. He saw her as an important pawn but since she refused to go on, he took her out. The only reason why he helped her out of prison was because of the deal I made with him." Jade bit into her lip, piercing her own skin. "He saw potential in me. He saw mom in me and from then on I worked for him. Until...now."

Artemis stopped breathing. The sisters, they were so unaware - unaware that they've been being watched by the camera - unaware that everyone was watching - Wally. Robin. M'gann. Conner. Kaldur. The adults. Roy.

"He's looking for me. I've sabotaged his plan - destroyed something that will take years to rebuild," hair covers her eyes. Covering her fear. "He wants me dead."

* * *

_**To be Continued...**_

* * *

**A/N: There will be more insight on the Crock parents. To remind you guys, despite the things Lawrence has done, it still doesn't justify the abuse. I did a little change with Jade being not blood related to Lawrence as a somewhat tie in with her mother's history about being abused. BTW, Jade is four years older than Artemis if you guys were wondering. And man seriously I'm not a fan of Rihanna but her songs (technically most of her popular songs she didn't write them) fit so well with Jade and Roy o.o So again, please review!  
**


	8. Headlock

**A/N: bleh school started today. horrible first day, first my locker was jammed and it took me 20 minutes to find an SIA to open it and also had to wait in line for a sign off afterschool for a book damage I didn't do. I had to wait half an hour and I spent fifteen minutes looking for an available teacher to TA. On top of that all my friends are gone - they are in college now and I'm all alone in high school. Other than that there's more stuff with school- my art portfolios and personal statements and college applications and don't forget about my AP classes and honors and SATs. T.T  
**

* * *

**Chapter Eight: Headlock**

* * *

_"Distant flickering, greener scenery._  
_ This weather's bringing it all back again._  
_ Great adventures, faces and condensation._  
_ I'm going outside to take it all in._  
_ You say too late to start, got your heart in a headlock,_  
_ I don't believe any of it._  
_ You say too late to start, with your heart in a headlock,_  
_ You know you're better than this"_

_-Headlock by Imogen Heap_

* * *

His heart stopped beating. He's frozen...and all he could do was stare at the screen. He wants her, he wants her out. He wants her out...he wants her...out. That's all he wanted. Roy closed his eyes and for the first time...he finally knew how much she meant to him.

...

...

...

No emotion. No emotion from her. Just a pair of bewildered eyes. Jade swallowed the pain and stared at her. "I'm going to be okay, don't give me that look. I can take care of myself," she said, forcing a laugh. "It's not like he's the first person that wanted to kill me."

Something in Artemis snapped. She shook her head and rolled her hands into white knuckled fists. "You should have stayed," she screamed at her, eyes narrowing. "You should have stayed and none of this would have happened." You should have stayed. You should have been there. You should have stayed.

"You know I couldn't," Jade said calmly, looking into her eyes.

Calm. She was always calm. Even with all the things that happened to their family and Artemis hated it. "No! No I don't," she shook her head. "You left me. You promised you never would but you left!" her voice was shrill. "Why did you leave? I know you have problems with dad but when mom went to prison, the two months were nice. He didn't train us. He didn't make us hurt people. And he didn't hurt you." Tears were streaming out of her eyes. Years - so many years wondering why her older sister left but she's looking at her - Jade. She, Jade, she was looking at her, and she doesn't care. She doesn't care about the little sister she hurt. "Dad-dad was trying with us. Trying to make up for what he done. To be a family again but you just left. Give me a reason, give me a reason for why you did that would make it seem right to leave me when mom went to prison and you left me on my own."

She blinked at her with those hallowed brown eyes, perplexed lips.

"Tell me!" her voice was breaking, shattering into sections - her heart pounding. "Tell me!"

No answer.

Her eyes narrowed. "Fine. I'm going leave then," she bit out each word. She walked towards the door, turning the door knob, words spilled out. "Don't expect anyone to save you. I never want to see you again."

"Things...things...they were only perfect until you went to bed."

She turned to look at Jade but her back was turned. Away. Distant. Disconnected. Artemis brushed her hand away from the door knob.

"The first two months mom was gone...they were hell," her voice was soft. "He would gag me in the night. Tie me. And he would beat me. I...I didn't do anything. I didn't disobey him. I didn't talk back. He just beat me because he was sad and he wanted to take his anger on something. Someone. And he would make me pretend that everything was perfect. Like nothing happened but things weren't perfect. And...what he did to me...it would be in the long hours of the night and I didn't sleep. Eventually my grades were falling and the more they fell, the more he beat me."

Artemis was shaking. "Jade-

"And school, it was worse because it was like hell. No place to escape. There was this teacher...this teacher there. And he was purposely failing me. I'm not making an excuse. When we had tests, he would pass them out except for me. And the only way I could pass he told me was if...I would do things...for him. I told the principal but... it was his word against mine. And everyone there. They hated me. I didn't start fights - they did - and I would fight back and yet no one believed me. I always got in trouble there for things I didn't do. No one believed me. For fights I didn't cause. Do you remember the day you found me at home? Do you remember the day before I ran away?"

"No." Artemis didn't want to remember. Her eyes were burning and she was heaving. "No."

"You don't remember?"

"I don't," she quickly covered her ears. She wanted to go in a dark place and hide. Hold herself. "I don't." _I don't. I don't want to remember. I don't. Please don't make me remember. Please don't make me remember._

Jade grasped Artemis' hands. Gripped them tight, like she used to do when Artemis was falling apart. "You're old enough to know. The day before, I got expelled and I was so scared to tell dad because he wasn't going to believe me either and he was going to beat me. So I tried to kill myself. I attempted suicide. The empty bottle you found on the bathroom floor, they were dad's antidepressants. I tried to hang myself." Her hands released Artemis'. She gestured at her own neck, gesturing wrapping - slicing. "I tried to wrap rope around my neck and I tried until you found me. And stopped me. If I stayed longer, I would have probably attempted suicide again and I would have been dead."

"You wouldn't be," she sobbed. _Make it stop. All she could see was Jade falling on her knees and crying - holding on to the empty bottle of antidepressants. Make the memories stop._ "You wouldn't be."

"How do you know that?"

"You had me and you had Zane." Zane, he was their neighbor and he was Jade's best friend. He was the only friend she had. He was more than that. He was so much more. Roy could see Jade's cheeks tint pink slightly. He frowned.

She swallowed. "How is he?"

"He lives in a nearby city. I saw him the other day when he was visiting his parents. And he asked for you. He always asked for you ever since you left."

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him I didn't know," she frowned. "I wasn't sure if you wanted me to tell him the truth. He told me though- that he regretted that he didn't go with you. He wanted to tell you he was sorry for all the time."

He should be. They planned to leave together - run away together - to meet up at the abandoned train station but he didn't show. Jade waited for him for hours but he didn't come. Her best friend. Her...only friend. Betraying her. With no decency to even tell her that he changed his mind. "I was unhappy at home, Artemis. I don't think anyone could have helped me. I know what I did was selfish and I regret leaving but I wouldn't take it back. If I didn't, I wouldn't saved mom. And if I stayed, you would be just like me and I would have ruined your future. Look at what you've become. What you accomplished. You have so many good things happening and waiting for me and I don't want to take that away."

* * *

"Jade's gone."

No. It couldn't be. Roy nearly broke the the door to look for her. She was gone. Really gone. She wasn't at his apartment. He would call her but she didn't bring her cellphone. It was at the apartment but she wasn't there.

"She's gone," Kaldur repeated.

"Where did she go?" Roy screamed at him. She escaped, escaped without his help or telling him. She could be anywhere."Where did she go?" he screamed at them - all of them - the team - the adults. There was this anger - this bottled up anger pouring - betrayal and fear. "The videos are wiped out and there's nothing in her room but the collar. How did she get escape?"

"Looks like an inside job," Wally turned to her, Artemis.

Artemis shook her head. "I didn't free her."

"She's not lying," M'gann breathed after reading her mind.

Roy looked at her, Artemis. "Then...who freed her?"

* * *

He walked through the city streets that night - going to places - places she went - and would be. He must have searched for hours because the crowds of people that once surrounded him were becoming smaller and smaller until it was just him walking. There was a strange sense - as if a little burn upon the back of his shoulder - as if someone was following him. Roy turned around and looked up, peering with falcon like eyes but no one was there. Just the silence. He exhaled deeply. He wonders - he wonders where she was - why she left. Maybe...maybe she was in the apartment now, wondering where he was.

Maybe she was out looking for him.

He's heading up to a late night sushi restaurant. There's loud music, flickering lights. There's a small group of people coming out, people in their late teens - his age at least. They're laughing, their words slurred. Drunk - they were drunk. He shook his head and kept walking - he gets caught in the crowd - and somehow more people are going out, going in the opposite direction -

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, forcing himself to apologize for bumping into someone.

The girl looked at him, blinking her eyes slowly. "It's alright," she said, giving him an unexpected smile.

He blinked, his eyes transfixing on her. Those eyes - he knows those eyes. Brown eyes, tinted with mischief. Jade. He barely recognized her. She looked different, almost a stranger. Her wild hair was straight - sleek and smooth, a section tucked underneath her ear. Her eyes were covered in a shimmery taupe eyeshadow, the corners of her eyes hallowed by darker neutral shade. Her eyelids were lined with black eyeliner and her eyelashes were coated in mascara. There was something on her lips, it wasn't lipstick - it's something sheer and glossy - lip gloss? That must be it and her cheeks were hallowed by bronzer. She's wearing something - this knee length white cotton dress and a gray knitted cardigan - and a long chained necklace with a red bow charm. She looks innocent but with those brown eyes of hers, almost. Almost. "Jade?" he automatically gripped her wrist. He was still stunned by the way she looked. She never wears makeup - the only time she did was once when he was fighting her - and her civilian clothes were never like this, ever. "Where have you been?" he raised his voice, his jaw twitching. "I've been looking for you! You were supposed to go home! You were supposed to-

"Jade, is he bothering you?" a voice asked. Roy turned and sees someone. A man - someone else other than him. He was dressed in dark clothing, everything he wore was black - his leather jacket, shirt, and pants and shoes. The only thing that wasn't black was the silver chain necklace that was draped on his neck. The man was tall, a few inches shorter than him - with black hair, a side of his head shaved. His eyes are green and his skin is caught between tan and light - he looked to be Thai. Roy squinted and realized he was wearing color contacts. The man was glaring at him and then at her - looking at her - in this way- in this certain way that Roy did.

"No," she said, swaying her hand slightly, motioning the man to relax. "He's a friend."

He cringed. Friend? Just a friend? So what they had was nothing? "And what makes him?" Roy's eyes narrowed. Something inside of him was boiling with anger - he has been looking for her- doing nothing but worrying where she was - if she was okay - and to find her out with someone else - all dressed up - he's losing his temper.

"A friend as well," she chuckled, slipping her hand from Roy's grip and placed her fingers on the bareness of his arm. She turned and looked at the man and smiled. "I better leave. I'll see you next time okay?"

The man bit his lip and thought for a moment.

"I'll be fine," she added, her eyes glimmering underneath the street lights.

He sighed, unable to resist the look in her eyes for even a quick second. "Alright, Jade," he took a deep breath and messed with her tamed dark ebony hair. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

Jade nodded calmly. "Soon."

The man nodded and handed her a little baby blue gift bag that had a ribbon around it. She took it and graciously, she thanked him. "Bye, happy birthday." Roy went pale. He watched as the man hugged her before parting in the opposite direction.

Roy turned and looked at her. "You didn't tell me it was your birthday."

She shrugged, looking at him with indifference. He sees it, he sees right through her that she was a little hesitant to respond to his statement. "I didn't think it was important," she said casually, shrugging.

"_It is important_," he clarified. "You should have told me."

"Well there's no point to it really. You're not the type to celebrate anything."

He wasn't. He wasn't a social person either. "I would have done something," he snapped. He wasn't the type to celebrate things but he would have for her.

Jade sighed and smirked. "Well now you know."

He took a deep breath. There was nothing he could do about her. He thought about, her birthday - what she was doing the whole time - the man."Who is he?" Roy demanded. "The guy you were with earlier."

"He's a friend of mine. I can have friends too, you know."

"What's his name?"

"Zane."

...

...

...

"Do you like him?" he asked, closing the door of his apartment. He's watching her, watching her take off her nude colored flats - putting away her gift. He frowned. She wanted to open the present in private.

She turned and chuckled. "No," her voice like velvet. "Are you jealous?"

"No," he snapped. "Of course not."

"Then why would you ask such a petty question?" she batted her eyelashes at him, stroking his arm.

He frowned. "You were supposed to be here, Jade."

Her eyes narrowed. She didn't like his tone. "I'm not your pet, Roy. I can go anywhere I please."

"How do you think I feel? I've been worrying about you for days and when you left, I spent the whole day looking for you. You don't know how I felt when I saw you with someone else - all dressed up -and hugging him."

"Zane is only a friend."

"He doesn't want to be," he gritted his teeth. "It doesn't look like it. He looks at you - looks at you the way I look you. He's not a friend." It never occurred to him, that others were interested in her. She was attractive and charming but the idea never came until now, when it happened. When he witnessed it. Roy wanted to hurt him.

"I was right you know, about you being territorial," she gave him a lopsided smile. "I knew it from the beginning."

"I'm not territorial," Roy grinded his teeth down like sandpaper against a rough object. "He likes you Jade."

"You and I know that you are territorial." She referred to the days in Cadmus. He was possessive of her during the first days of development. He didn't like it when she spoke to any of the male doctors and tried hurting one. "Even if he did, it wouldn't matter because you can trust me. You can trust me, Roy."

His skin tightened and he looked away from her.

"You can trust me," she bit out every word. Sometimes, she didn't like it when he was possessive. "You have to. You have no choice. I'll go wherever I want to go and see whoever I want to see. You can't keep me locked up."

"I know but-but," he exhaled deeply. "I can't stop worrying about you - if you're alright - and if someone steals you away."

"It takes a lot to steal me away," she winked. "And you really didn't do any stealing really. I rather gave you myself."

"Why did you see him instead of going here?"

"I haven't seen him in a long time and I wanted to see him."

"So you left for him?"

"No. It's not that at all. I just got a little...sidetracked, you may say."

Roy crossed his arms. "Do you like him?"

"No."

"I heard your conversation with Artemis - I saw you - you blushed when she said his name. Your expression - your position - your mood, it changed. Don't tell me that," his jaw twitched.

She propped herself down on the couch and crossed her legs. "So much for privacy. I did like him but it was a long time ago," her eyes lowered. Zane and her - they used to get into the most trouble - it wasn't the cool things either. It was dorky things - dorky artsy things - painting school property to express themselves - stealing frogs from being dissected -things like that. They did other things like keying teachers' cars- breaking things - drinking - experimenting with drugs. She was really crazy about him, a point of her life she shaved a part of her hair to be like him. He was her first kiss - she remembers the moment - it was late at night and they were painting a mural on a side of a three story building at three a.m. She was painting - gruesome, rabid monsters and he was painting the same thing but in his style - they painted side by side and then out of nowhere he kissed her. It started out as a kiss on a cheek but it ended with a kiss on the lips. "But it's in the past. It's nothing."

She means it, he knew. She meant it with all her heart. "It scares me to death - the thought - what if...he went with you. Things would have been different. We wouldn't be together - or I would never have meet you. You're the only thing I have that I can call mine - the first person I ever saw - the only person in my life," he started to shake. Telling someone - how he felt - exposing himself in such rawness, it was terrifying. "I felt threatened and hurt to know that there was ever someone before me. I thought I was your only person - the way you were mine and- and- I didn't want to lose you."

Jade pulled him down next to her. "I only saw him to let him know I'm fine - to get things cleared - it wasn't because I still had feelings for him. I like being with you. More than anyone. I'm comfortable with you - I don't feel the worry on how I look or how I act - I just be myself." She touched his hand. "I'm happy he didn't come." She kissed him. He kissed her - his hand pulling her by the hair - closer to him. Teeth crashing - hitting against flesh and inner skin - breathing breaking.

...

...

...

**Roy**: Do...do you love me?

**Jade**: Yes.

**Roy: **_(pauses to kiss her)_ I'm glad.

**Jade: **Then it should be enough.

...

...

...

_"Take Sportsmaster, Cheshire's mine."_

_A crooked smile appeared on her face. "So territorial and only on our third date."_

She didn't know how territorial he could be. His hands pinning her wrists, he's holding her down to the floor. Her teeth caught in a grind - her tightened fists hitting against the tiles - he's fascinated - satisfied. Dark hair spilling - deep breaths and words of annoyance and anger sputtering out like withered leaves in the Fall, there's a smirk on his face. "You should be used to this," he said, his lips pressed to hers.

"Oh, I am," she says in that coy voice - purring each letter, that voice he desperately loved. "But I like it the other way around."

He chuckled and lifted her from the ground, putting her over his shoulder. "Didn't anyone tell you that life wasn't fair?" he nearly threw her down to his bed - handcuffing her to the bed post. He loves this, he loves doing this to her - more than he loved it when she did it to him. It should be disturbing, how they loved to to dominate each other - and yet when they thought about it, it entices them even more. He kisses her - her throat - her neck - collarbone - biting her bruised flesh - pulling at her clothes. Her hand - her free hand - she's touching him - pulling his red hair, urging him to kiss her more.

...

...

...

**Roy: **Do you want this?

**Jade: **Yes.

**Roy: **I don't want to force you-

**Jade: **I know but you're not. I want this.

I

...

...

...

want

...

...

...

this.

...

...

...

Sounds of almost rhythmic thuds are heard - sounds of cluttering - the head board slamming to the wall- the legs of the bed frame tapping and scraping against the ground. Breaths are broken and sharp. Sweat drenching their bodies - slicking them together. Her nails seeped into his skin - so deep blood is trickling down. Screaming. Cursing. Panting. From both. Soft touches. Kisses - some sweet. Some rough.

From both.

...

...

...

"Do you love me?" her voice was faint, almost nonexistent.

She's staring at him - the drops of sweat, trickling down from his forehead. He doesn't notice - the fact that he was sweating. He only noticed her and the warm sun. He carelessly threw the handcuffs to the ground and covered her with the sheets. He tucked himself right next to her - petting her dampened skin. "Yes." It was strange. They loved each other - and yet they were still unsure. He loved her. More than anything. More than anyone.

"If it was you, would you go with me?"

"I would, without a question. Without another doubt." He stroked her hair. She's lying there, eyes half lidded - seeing her like this, he forgotten that he was exhausted as well. "Maybe we should runaway. And then we can start over again. Would you like that? Just you and me? Without anyone but each other?"

"I would like that."

* * *

**_To be Continued..._**

* * *

**A/N: So I am considering to go on hiatus until next summer at the moment. Right now I am caught with a lot of school work and college applications and volunteer.  
**


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